Let Me Help You
by rainletty21
Summary: Gail meets Holly in the hospital right after she is rescued from Ross Perrick.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** This will most likely be a multi-chapter fic. Hope you enjoy! :)

Gail Peck didn't hate many things, but she hated hospitals. To be fair, hate wasn't strong enough to describe her aversion to them, to put it more accurately she despised hospitals.

If the situation were different she would've refused the trip, but after being freed from the trunk of a taxi cab hands bound, head woozy, and lightheaded from a mixture of an injected sedative and the inhalation of exhaust from the car's muffler below her she'd been given no choice in the matter. So here she sat with her knees pulled up into her chest on the thin mattress, arms tightly hugging her legs lost in thought.

She'd been poked, prodded, scanned and x-rayed after being brought in despite her protests of being all right. She knew nothing was broken, she'd been lucky in comparison to the others before her, but understood that procedures needed to be followed so she'd put up with the thorough intrusion.

Now that all the hustle and bustle was done the only thing left to do was rest and wait, two things she found impossible to do.

The quiet gave her nothing, but uninterrupted time to replay the endless loop of madness that had been the last 24 hours in her mind as she analyzed and reanalyzed every action she'd taken and every opportunity missed. She knew she'd done everything she could considering how lethargic she'd been rendered by the tranquilizer, but she couldn't stop thinking about what she could've done differently. Maybe if she'd concentrated a little bit more her body would've obeyed. If she had fought a little harder at Andy's apartment maybe she could've escaped into another room and barricaded herself in until help arrived, maybe then Jerry wouldn't be laying on an operating table a few floors down fighting for his life.

A shutter ran through the blonde's body at the thought of her superior. While they hadn't been very close, she knew him well enough to know he was one of the good guys and that's what made this whole situation even tougher. Unlike most detectives, Jerry was down to earth; he wasn't egotistical or power hungry and had treated her as an equal completely ignoring her namesake and the expectations that came along with it. He was also very thorough in his work which is what led him to the cab driver's home in the first place. Sure the detail had probably seemed like a dead-end errand, a formality of dotting the I's and crossing the T's, but wanting to leave no stone unturned to save one of their own he'd made the trip himself.

While Gail didn't know the exact circumstances of how he'd been injured she'd known instantly it was bad. When the cabbie had roughly dragged her through the dining room there'd been an enormous pool of blood on the floor and the glimpse she caught of Jerry was just as frightening. His white dress shirt had been stained dark crimson covering his entire torso and disappearing behind the two sides of his open blazer. His complexion had been extremely pale for a man who'd always sported a golden tan and he'd had a sheen of sweat donning his face, his lips had been pulled tight against a grimace of pain as he fought futility with the cabbie before being quickly overpowered.

There was no doubt in Gail's mind if Jerry hadn't slipped his phone into her capturer's pocket during the brief struggle she'd never have been found alive. The disruption at the man's house would've forced his hand and sped up his intended time-line resulting in one horrific, violent outcome for her.

But instead that violence had been redirected towards her colleague and now he was fighting for his life.

She hadn't heard an update since arriving at the hospital, come to think of it, she hadn't had a single visitor either. No calls from her parents who she knew would have been informed of her disappearance immediately given their positions within the division's hierarchy and she vaguely wondered if her brother had been told despite being in the midst of an undercover operation somewhere. To be honest, a part of her was relieved her parents hadn't shown up yet. She knew her mother would make a fuss about everything; she'd pester the doctors and nurses and would surely imply Gail hit the gym or take a self-defense refresher course. The last thing she needed was her mother mentally berating her when she was doing such a good job of it herself.

The most notable absence was Nick's. She hadn't seen him since he and Chris helped her from the truck of the cab and into a waiting squad car where she shivered and shook as the adrenaline wore off and the reality of it all set in. While they weren't officially dating and bordered more on the terms of friends with benefits, Gail thought he'd at least have the decency to come check on her after being moved to a private room once the barrage of tests were finished. But once again she was alone and couldn't help feeling like he'd abandoned her yet again.

A gentle knock on the door pulled her out of her thoughts sending a cold chill down her spine, praying her luck hadn't just run out and her mother was standing on the other side.

_'Ha, luck,'_ Gail thought bitterly to herself and scoffed aloud.

There had been a severe shortage of luck for her in the past 24-48 hours and she couldn't help, but think if it weren't for bad luck she'd have no luck at all. There had been so many seemingly small things that had happened that led her here; what appeared to be simple, random occurrences had all influenced the way the pendulum had swung and ultimately set this nightmare in motion. If her parent's roof hadn't needed to be replaced she wouldn't have been staying at Andy's apartment. If the John hadn't preferred blonde-haired, blue eyed women she wouldn't have been the point person for the call-girl op. If Andy hadn't decided to go with Sam after the debriefing then she never would've gotten in the cab, knowing full well Sam would've driven them both home. And lastly, had Nick answered his phone when she returned to McNally's he would've come over or she would've gone to him preventing her from being a sitting duck.

A second, slightly louder knock grabbed her attention once again as she realized how easily she'd been distracted by the thoughts running through her head.

"Come in," she called, frowning when her voice came out more as a foreign sounding croak.

Slowly the door opened and a tall brunette stepped through, gently closing it behind her. The woman was beautiful; she had the tight athletic build of a runner, long brown hair was pulled up into a loose pony tail high on the back of her head while chocolate colored eyes peered at her behind black framed glasses.

"Gail Peck?" the woman asked softly as she stepped closer to the bed, placing a red bag on the counter beside the sink on the right wall. The blonde nodded, eyeing the new comer; she didn't recognize this woman.

As if reading the apprehensive look on Peck's face, the brunette stepped forward and offered her hand.

"I'm Holly Stewart from the Forensics Lab," Holly introduced herself, giving Gail a crooked smile as the blonde grasped her hand half-heartedly, nodding her head.

"I was wondering when you guys would show up…" Gail said, stretching her legs out before swinging them over, sighing heavily.

"Yeah, I'm sorry to have to do this so soon," the brunette apologized. This was a part of her job she greatly disliked and was relieved she didn't find herself in this position often. It was one thing to process a dead body or work a crime scene, but when the victim was alive and trying to cope with what's happened to them it felt invasive and insensitive.

"Now's as good of time as any, it's not like I'm going anywhere…" Peck replied lowly, absently running her hands down the tops of her thighs while lightly swinging her legs.

Holly's heart instantly went out to her. She'd read the case summary before heading over from the lab, the officer had clearly been through the traumatic ringer which was why Holly was surprised to find her alone. The brunette had expected a room full of family or at the very least fellow officers, but here the blonde sat solo with her eyes cast down to the floor, clearly in the midst of a raging internal battle.

The brunette slipped her coat from her shoulders and went to her kit on the counter to start pulling out the items she would need. She had just removed a digital camera when she heard a soft chuckle from behind her and turned, surprised by the sound given the officer's solemn disposition.

"What's with the lunchbox?" the blonde asked, pointing to her bag. Now that Holly thought about it it did resemble a lunchbox after all.

"I'll have you know it's a very valuable forensics kit," Holly said with mock offense before adding, "That looks a lot like a child's lunchbox…" The brunette was satisfied when the blonde smirked as she rose from the bed and shrugged her shoulders.

"Where do you want me?" Gail asked apprehensively as Holly pulled the curtain in front of the door to preserve the officer's privacy should someone enter unannounced.

"Right there is fine," the brunette answered as she made her way around the bed. "I'm going to take some pictures first, we'll start at the top and work down, ok?" she asked as Peck nodded her head, suddenly feeling self-conscious as she stared straight ahead while Holly moved around her snapping photos of the various bruises and cuts on her face before moving in closer to get a better shot the ruptured blood vessels in her eye. After she was satisfied she'd captured everything from all possible angles, the brunette stepped back.

"I really hate to do this, but can we take the bandage off?" Holly asked setting the camera on the counter and pointing at her own forehead referring to the bandage covering the wound on Gail's. The blonde shrugged indifferently and Holly pulled on a pair of latex gloves. The brunette grabbed a q-tip from her bag and ran the end of it under the faucet before gently working the adhesive loose at the edge until she had pulled the bandage completely free.

Gail was a bit taken aback by the gentleness of it all, knowing if the roles had been reversed she probably would've just lifted an edge and given the strip a hard tug; after all she'd been through with the heavy-handed doctor's she'd seen earlier she appreciated it even more.

"Did a plastic surgeon do these?" Holly asked, gazing at the row of neat, tight stitches holding the 2-inch laceration closed.

"I didn't have a chance to read their resume so I'm not sure who it was, why? Am I going to look like Frankenstein when it heals?" Gail asked, her eyes suddenly going wide as she brushed past the brunette to look in the mirror above the sink.

"Not at all, whoever did it did a great job," Holly replied, relief evident in the blonde's body language as she turned around. "Probably won't even notice once it's healed."

_'Poor thing is wound up so tight,'_ Holly thought to herself and wished there was something she could do for the officer to help her relax, knowing everything else she had left to do wouldn't help accomplish that feat. Deciding not to delay the inevitable, the brunette grabbed the camera and took a few pictures and jotted down some notes on a note pad after taking a measurement of the wound.

"Were you injured anywhere else? Any other bruising, abrasions, lacerations?" Holly asked and felt terrible when the blonde nodded and pulled her hair back to reveal bruising around her throat.

The brunette's eyes narrowed as she took in the distinct shapes, recognizing the patterns immediately as hand prints. Without a word, Holly stepped forward, removing her glove, and gently ran the tip of her finger along the purple skin and felt Gail inhale sharply, her body going rigid.

"Did I hurt you?" Holly asked quickly pulling back, concern washing over her dark brown eyes when they met the blonde's clouded blues. Gail nodded no as the brunette stepped forward again and continued her soft tracing of the lines as if her touch could erase the marks marring the blonde's pale skin.

Gail was taken aback by the gentle touch, her eyes welling with tears forcing her to clamp them shut as she felt the compassion this woman-a complete stranger to Gail- was showing her. The doc's soft, warm fingers felt surprisingly good despite their inspection of the damaged area and Gail had to fight the sudden urge to nestle into Holly's touch which was like no other sensation Gail had experienced and the realization caught her off guard. She didn't particularly like being touched unless she prompted the contact, but this was different. Rather than feeling awkward and uncomfortable the brunette's touch had the opposite effect on her. Pale skin tingled everywhere the soft warm fingers swept almost like there was an electric charge building between their bodies. More so than the physical effect was the psychological; Holly's touch however brief or light made Gail feel cared for and safe. The blonde watched as Holly leaned in, gazing at the marks with an intensity that screamed a mixture of anger and sadness.

"Are you having any trouble breathing? Tightness in your throat, tingling in the back of your mouth or tongue?" Holly asked as she continued her gentle prodding along Gail's jaw line. "Pain when you swallow?"

"You sound like one of the doctors," Peck replied cocking a brow.

"Probably because I am one," the brunette smirked, glancing up to find an amused look on the blonde's face.

"And here I thought you were just a big nerd with a silly lunchbox," Gail said with a small smile.

"Is that a no?" Holly smirked seemingly unfazed, looking up at the blonde.

"No I'm not having any issues like that," the blonde replied taking a deep breath as the doc took a few photos of her neck. When Holly stepped back, Gail pushed up the sleeves of her hoodie to reveal the thin, angry red strips of skin around each wrist. Holly swallowed down the gasp that threatened to escape her lips as she took in the nasty looking friction burns that would surely bruise with time. Despite being on the job for a few years it still baffled her what people were capable of doing to one another.

"Do they hurt?" the doc asked, grasping the blonde's hand and turning it over to see the opposite side, frowning when she saw the tops of her wrists were worse, the groves worn deeper into her pale swollen flesh.

"They're a little sore," Peck replied with a shrug.

"Zip ties?" Holly said scrutinizing the wounds before her.

"You're good," Gail answered with a small, sad smile and noticed there was no hint of triumph on the doc's face at being right, if anything she looked sad.

"Unfortunately I see this sort of thing all the time so…" the doc trailed off, readying the camera and taking photos of both wrists, top and bottom. "Anything else?"

Gail's eyes met Holly's for a moment as the blonde hesitated, her hand grasping the bottom of her hoodie and gently lifting it up and over her head to reveal more prominent bruising on pale skin. Despite trying to keep her expression neutral, the doc's eyebrows shot to her hairline as she took in the sight before her.

The officer's body resembled that of a boxer who'd taken one too many body shots; patches of deep purple sprawled across Gail's shoulder and chest. Another deeper, raised abrasion peeked out from the waistband of her pants, the coloring climbing up the side of her rib cage.

Gail, who was understandably feeling self conscious from the state of her body, looked everywhere but at Holly, avoiding the doctor's gaze at all costs. The blonde gave Holly a moment to survey the damage and take her pictures before she turned around, revealing more bruises and cuts on her back and upper left shoulder.

"How did all this happen?" Holly asked gently, stepping in to get a closer look at the wounds.

"Well I don't know about you, but when someone slams a door into my face I have a hard time keeping my balance. I stumbled back, crashed into a table, and a lamp broke my fall," Gail replied snidely and instantly felt bad for it, knowing Holly was just doing her job. "The rest is from trying to fight him off…a lot of good it did me…"

Pressure from a gentle hand on her unscathed shoulder encouraged her to turn around coming face to face with concerned deep brown eyes.

"You're here, that's all that matters now," Holly said and brushed a stray lock of platinum hair behind the officer's ear, feeling Gail push into her palm ever so slightly. "I'm so sorry this happened to you," she said sincerely as blue eyes locked with hers in what looked like a mixture of shock and appreciation leaving Holly to wonder once more why the blonde was alone. Surely she had people who loved and cared about her.

The longer Holly held the blonde's gaze the more apparent it became that Gail was struggling to keep it together. Tears slowly welled in her impossibly blue eyes and her lower lip started to quiver. Not wanting to push Gail, the doc slowly dropped her hand and went about photographing and documenting the rest of the blonde's injuries. Both of them fell into a comfortable silence which Gail was thankful for as she regained her composure.

Holly had just finished taking the last measurement of the bruising on the blonde's abdomen when there was a not so gentle knock at the door before it swung open and two uniformed officers entered slowly.

"Hey dumb and dumber, you don't always have to knock like you're serving a search warrant," Gail called out, pulling her shirt back on before pulling back the curtain revealing a hesitant Chris and Dov who noticed the brunette right away.

"We can come back if now's not a good time," Chris said nervously, but Gail waved it off.

"Guys this is Dr. Stewart from the Forensics lab," Peck said before gesturing to them both. "Officers Chris Diaz and Dov Epstein who also happen to be my messy roommates."

"It's a pleasure to meet you both," Holly smiled, shaking their hands, but noticed their red-rimmed glassy eyes and felt her heart nearly stop. "I'm actually done here so she's all yours," she said, quickly turning back to the counter and closing up the forensics kit.

"Officer Peck here's my card in case you think of anything or need to get a hold of me. Good luck to you," Holly said with a small smile setting the business card on the counter before nodding to the boys and heading out the door.

"You two look worse than I do…" Gail remarked and took a seat on the edge of the bed as the boys briefly exchanged a look and stepped closer, Diaz pulled the plastic chair up next to the bed while Dov stood just in front of Peck.

Gail took a closer look at her friends, noticing their solemn expressions and slumped shoulders.

"What's going on?" she asked nervously, suddenly afraid of the answer as a cold knot formed in the pit of her stomach at what this could mean. "Is it Jerry?" she asked in nearly a whisper looking between the two of them, her gaze settling on Dov, silently imploring him to speak.

"Gail…Jerry didn't make it…" Dov said lowly, his eyes tearing as he spoke.

Gail's eyes instantly shut as silent tears slipped beneath them, leaving wet trails down her cheeks.

"This isn't your fault," Chris said knowing she would immediately blame herself as he watched her silently sob into the sleeve of her shirt, her shoulders shuttering with each breath. He reached forward and placed a hand on her knee, not knowing what else to do.

She silently rose from the bed and walked towards the window, looking out into the downtown cityscape as the tears continued to fall.

"Can I…uh…can I have the room guys?" she asked between sobs. She heard Chris rise from the chair, the legs dragging lightly on the tiled floor as he did.

"Gail," Diaz started to say, but she shook her head silencing him.

"Please, I'd like to be alone," she pleaded, not wanting an audience while she completely fell apart and was thankful when she heard their boots shuffling on the floor followed by the gentle opening and closing of the door.

As soon as the door clicked closed behind her, Gail felt like her legs could no longer support her and slid down along the side of the bed and onto the floor, pulling her knees into her chest as sobs wracked her body uncontrollably.

The universe was such a cruel, unbalanced thing. It should've been her who died, not Jerry.

Compared to Detective Barber she was such a screw up. Jerry was a well-respected and accomplished detective; she was a beat cop who'd been suspended and was nearly stripped of her shield within the first 2 years on the job. She didn't know which direction she wanted her career to go despite outside pressures from her mother. To top it off, Jerry was planning on getting married to one of her closest friends.

Oh god, Traci!

Another, heavier wave of guilt washed over the blonde with the sudden realization she'd not only destroyed Jerry's life, but Traci's as well. Until this moment Gail didn't think it was possible to feel this much grief and heartache, but here she was a crumpled blubbering mess on the cold tiled floor wishing the ground would open up and swallow her whole.

Gail's head popped up from her knees when she heard the door swing open and looked up at Holly through tear-blurred eyes.

"Sorry I forgot my jacket," the brunette said turning from the door to find Gail on the floor beside the bed and quickly rushed over. "Are you ok? Did you pass out? Hit your head?" she asked kneeling in front of the blonde who shook her head no and began sobbing once again.

Holly wasn't sure what was going on. She'd been half way to her car when she received a call from a colleague asking her to swing by the hospital's morgue to pick-up some clothing evidence taken from a new body they had coming in. Normally a crime lab courier or intern would've been sent to retrieve the evidence and transport it back. This instance though was a bit different, the new body was an officer.

Suddenly it clicked and Holly froze.

She'd read in the case summary before coming over to document Gail's injuries that another officer, a detective, had been wounded and was in surgery.

Holly felt her heart sink as she looked to the blonde in front of her, the pieces falling into place as she took in the blonde's broken state and the new pick-up request from the office.

The new victim was her co-worker, her friend.

The brunette shifted onto her hip and reached over, gently pulling the blonde into her side who to Holly's surprise didn't put up a fight and instead wrapped her arms around the doc and buried her face in her shoulder. Holly looped her arms around Gail's waist and gently stroked her back in slow soothing circles, wishing there was something more she could do to help.

With all the feelings running rampant through the blonde, the one she was most surprised by was the comfort she felt, from a virtual stranger no less. Neither Dov or Chris had made an attempt to console her after dropping the preverbal bomb on her, but here this woman was offering solace from the storm raging inside her. Gail wasn't the touchy-feely type and normally shied away from uninitiated contact, but she currently found herself gripping onto Holly with all her might as if she'd be swept into the swirling currents of despair she was treading through. Gail had always prided herself- somewhat foolishly and stubbornly at times- on not needing anyone and being independent, but at the moment she knew she needed Holly, she needed someone to be strong for her while she was incapable.

And so they sat on the floor beside Gail's hospital bed, a tangle of limbs weathering a storm of raw anguish.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **I'm truly blown away by the response I've received from the first chapter. Thank you so much to everyone who has favorited the story and left reviews, I can't express how much I appreciate each and everyone of you.

Without further delay, here's chapter 2. I hope you enjoy!

On a side note, chapter 3 is almost complete and chapter 4 is about half way finished. ;)

Again, I own no part of Rookie Blue or their lovely characters, just the mistakes below.

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Holly wasn't sure how long they'd been on the floor before Gail had fallen asleep.

The officer had gone through countless bouts of body shuttering sobs that ebbed and flowed into quiet cries before starting up again. When Gail's hand clutching a fistful of her shirt slackened Holly knew the blonde had fallen asleep and blindly reached behind them to pull the blanket from the bed.

After wrapping it around the fitfully slumbering woman's shoulders Holly eased her cell phone from her pocket and frowned when she saw the numerous missed calls and unopened text messages from her intern at the morgue. She knew she couldn't stay much longer, but couldn't bear the thought of leaving when her presence seemed to bring even a smidgen of comfort to the blonde officer resting against her tear soaked shoulder.

She still couldn't believe Gail's roommates had been the only visitors she'd had. Where were her parents? Why hadn't any of the uniforms down in the lobby swung by to check on her? Holly knew they too were dealing with the loss of one of their own, but what about the one who made it? What about the one who was now huddled on the floor after crying herself into exhaustion? Had she been forgotten already?

The doc was pulled from her internal 20 questions by the buzzing of her phone once again, catching the tail end of the scrolling text.

_'…coming in to claim the body shortly, where are you?'_

Hollyexhaled heavily knowing her time was up; she had to get back to the morgue pronto. She looked down at the blonde, Gail's brow furrowed with stress and tension as she flinched and grimaced while she slept.

"Gail?" Holly said lowly, gently rubbing the blonde's knee, but this only caused her to snuggle in further. Sighing heavily the doc tried again, this time raising her voice slightly. "Gail…"

Peck's eyes slowly fluttered open, a look of confusion donning her face before she recalled where she was.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go back to the lab," Holly said and the blonde nodded, slowly sitting upright. "Come on let's get you more comfortable and off the cold floor."

Holly rose and offered Gail her hand, pulling her gently to her feet and helping the groggy officer into bed before retrieving the blanket from the floor and fanning it out over the top of her, tucking the edges up around Gail's shoulders.

"Do you need anything before I go?" the doc asked, crouching down beside the bed. Gail's bloodshot eyes slowly drifted to meet Holly's and the doc instantly recognized the fear and anxiety clouding them. The blonde wetted her lips and her voice came out in a whisper.

"Will you come back?" she asked, her question sounding more like a plea.

"Sure, if you want me to," Holly replied, leaving it open ended and was slightly surprised when the officer nodded yes a moment later. "I'll be back when I can, try to get some rest, ok?"

Gail nodded as Holly stroked her shoulder a few more times before she rose and slipped her coat on, grabbing the forensics kit and hurrying out to her car.

It didn't take long for her to make the usual 10-minute trip to the morgue with the late hour and scarce traffic. She parked in her usual spot and high-tailed it down into the lab where she found her intern anxiously pacing behind a gurney.

"Where have you been?" the young man asked quickly before shaking his head, realizing he'd just snapped at his superior and braced for the consequences he thought were coming.

"I know, Rodney, I'm sorry. I got held up at the hospital," Holly said sincerely giving him an apologetic look, the intern relaxing when he realized he wasn't going to get reprimanded for his mental lapse a moment ago.

"I guess I kind of panicked…" he said, glancing towards the table between them, a sheet covering a body. Holly followed his gaze.

"Is this Detective Barber?" she asked gently, dropping her keys and phone on the desk and pulling on her crisp white lab coat.

Rodney nodded sadly.

"His fiancé is on her way down to claim the body and pick up his personal effects the hospital sent over with him," he answered nodding to the papers on the mobile work station next to the table. "I already took photos and documented the visible injuries so we can clean him up before she gets her."

The doc felt a swell of appreciation for him as she quickly checked over his work, pleased with how thorough he was with his findings and that they matched her own. They pulled the sheet back and set about removing the breathing tube that still protruded from his mouth, taking delicate care as if he were a member of their own families.

Despite the fact her patients were deceased; Holly always felt they deserved just as much respect as the living and cared for them as such, making a conscious effort to be as gentle with them when she could. They quickly cleaned away the remaining blood on the detective's face and chest before pulling a fresh sheet up to his chest insuring none of his injuries were visible. Rodney took a moment to smooth out the wrinkles while Holly cleared their used supplies just as the phone on the wall began to ring. Stripping off her gloves, the doc quickly answered and listened briefly before hanging up.

"They're on the way down," she informed him.

They had just finished washing their hands when William, the head of the Forensics department, appeared in the door way with a man and two women in tow.

William stepped through the door and off to the side, leaving the two women just inside the threshold while the man hung back for a moment. The African American woman was clearly an emotional wreck and it didn't take a rocket science to figure out this was the detective's fiancé. The two officers still in full uniform, Shaw and McNally according to their name tags, flanked the distraught woman; each offering comfort as she stepped closer to the table, her face contorting with grief as the dam broke and tears flowed unrelentingly.

Holly's heart went out to this woman and suddenly felt like she was intruding on a very private moment. She caught Rodney's eye and subtly nodded towards the hall and slowly led the way, giving sympathetic nods to the two officers on the way out.

"I'll give you folks some time," William said softly to the room and followed his colleagues into the hall, gently pulling the door closed behind him to give the trio some privacy.

"Dr. Stewart I hate to ask you this," William began, turning to the brunette and her intern as they walked a short distance down the hall before stopping, "but can we get the autopsy done tonight on detective Barber? I know it's late and you've both had a long day, but the Commission wants to get the case to the prosecutor's office ASAP."

"Absolutely," Holly answered without hesitation and William gave her an appreciative smile and squeezed her arm before heading back down to check on the officers. The brunette turned to Rodney as he tried and failed to stifle a yawn. "You can head out if you want, I can stay and do it."

"Nope, if you're here then I'm here. I'll get the coffee," he replied and headed towards the break room.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **At the risk of sounding like a broken record, thank you guys for your continued support. I really can't thank you enough for making this such a positive experience for me.

For a writer, feedback is encouraging and motivating so reviews are always welcomed and highly appreciated.

Without further delay, here's chapter 3.

ENJOY! :)

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Gail Peck had never been a morning person. Hell depending on who you asked they'd probably tell you she wasn't an any-time-of-day person, but mornings were definitely not her favorite and today was no exception. Strips of sunlight trickled in between the slats of the blinds bathing her face in ribbons of glaring light making it increasingly more difficult to stay asleep. Frustrated and annoyed by the intrusion, her eyes reluctantly opened signally the start of a new day.

She awoke in bed wrapped snuggly in a blanket and for a moment struggled to remember how she'd gotten there. She knew she was still in the hospital and couldn't forget the horrible circumstances that brought her here if she tried, but the last thing she recalled was being huddled into Holly's side on the floor next to the bed shortly after Epstein and Diaz delivered their devastating news.

_'Holly,'_ the blonde thought suddenly sitting up to scan the room for the doc only to find the chair empty beside the bed. Then it came back to her, the brunette had helped her into bed before heading back to work late last night.

Or was it early this morning?

Peck had no idea; all sense of time was lost when you were trapped inside your own head replaying a tragedy over and over like an endless movie reel.

The officer threw back the blankets and rose to her feet, her body feeling stiff and achy after only taking a few steps. She raised her arms over her head stretching her tight back and shoulder muscles. She had just cracked her neck when she caught sight of her reflection in the mirror through the open bathroom door confirming she looked exactly how she felt.

Like utter crap.

She shuffled in and flipped the light on, the bright fluorescents doing nothing, but aggravating her already pounding headache. Gail moved forward and inspected herself more closely in the mirror and grimaced at the red, puffy eyes staring back at her.

Groaning softly, she quickly gathered a change of clean clothes that Dov had graciously dropped off and took a long hot shower, praying the blistering hot spray would melt away some of the heaviness she felt pressing down on her shoulders. She stood in the stall until her skin resembled that of a raisin before reluctantly climbing out.

Remarkably, after toweling off and redressing Gail felt more human and made her way back into the heart of her room, noticing the food tray now sitting on the side table. She lifted the lid and frowned at the grilled cheese and fries on the plate having expected breakfast instead and looked down at her cell phone. It was just past noon and she'd slept the morning away.

'_Just as well,'_ she thought bitterly grabbing a small handful of fries before heading towards the window and lifting the drawn blinds; the room instantly flooded with brilliant light.

Squinting into the sunlight, Gail looked out at the sprawling downtown metropolis, at the people walking along the streets and the cars driving by and couldn't help, but wonder how long it would be before she'd be back to active duty. She knew she'd have to be cleared by the department shrink first and didn't expect to be thrown back into the mix right away. The thought of riding a desk or being stuck in booking for an extended period of time made her bristle. She loved the streets and knew that's where she belonged, not stuck doing clerical work.

Suddenly the gentle opening and closing of the door pulled her from her thoughts and she felt a quick flutter of butterflies in her stomach.

"I wasn't expecting you to be back so…" Gail began, turning around expecting to see her new friend only to find her mother standing in the doorway and felt her heart sink along with her expression despite her effort to hide it. Elaine looked at her appraisingly.

"I'm sorry to disappoint you," Elaine said sounding anything, but apologetic. Her whole demeanor changed as she scanned her daughter's battered face. "Oh my god," she sighed and rushed to the bedside, lightly grasping Gail's chin, her eyes sweeping wildly over the damage. It didn't help that the blonde had a pale complexion to begin with which only aided in making the cuts and bruises stand out further. "What did that monster do to you?" the Superintendent asked, gently tilting her daughter's head to get a better look.

"It looks worse than it is," Gail replied, taken aback by her mother's reaction. She had never seen Elaine look so sick with worry and for a moment wondered if this was the same woman who ruled with an iron fist or if she'd been replaced by an alien clone.

To Gail's amazement and disappointment she watched the realization dawn in her mother's eyes at the emotion she was displaying, almost as if she had caught herself and Gail could visibly see the stone-faced mask slide back into place.

"How are you?" the Superintendent asked, her hard exterior back once again.

Gail had to restrain herself from scoffing aloud at the absurdity of the question.

"Good," the blonde replied with a half-hearted shrug. She knew her mother wasn't interested in hearing how she _really_ was because how she really was wouldn't be acceptable to the hard-nosed Superintendent. To Elaine, any form of vulnerability was a sign of weakness; something the Peck's absolutely were not in her book.

The elder Peck held her daughter's gaze for a moment before nodding sharply and crossing her arms across her chest, satisfied with the clearly false answer.

"Good," Elaine said, standing at the foot of the bed Gail was now perched on. "Now how did all this happen?"

And there it was. The question Gail knew was coming and she couldn't help but wonder if Elaine was here on official departmental business rather than as a concerned relative.

Gail started at the beginning when she arrived back at Andy's apartment, but didn't get very far.

"So what you're tip-toeing around is the fact you didn't check the peephole before opening the door, is that what you're saying?" Elaine asked bluntly, sounding more like a statement than a question.

The younger Peck sat dumbfounded at the callus accusation laced tone of her mother's voice.

"I had just left Nick a voicemail, I figured it was him…" Gail started.

"So that's a yes," the Superintendent said under her breath, but loud enough for her daughter to hear as she rolled her eyes and shook her head. Gail's gaze dropped to the floor in defeat, knowing that her mother was now blaming her as much as she was already blaming herself. Not exactly a party she needed another guest at.

The blonde continued to recount the events as she remembered them, some moments foggier than others and just as expected the Superintendent continued to interrupt with questions and interject her own unwanted and slightly backhanded remarks. By the time Gail was finished she felt emotionally raw and completely vulnerable, two emotions she wasn't a fan of and resented the fact that Elaine did nothing to help alleviate it. If anything her mother's stern presence and hard exterior only made her feel worse. Gail silently wished there was a test she needed to be taken for or an injury she could request pain meds to treat so they would knock her out and take her away from this moment.

"Well I'm glad you weren't harmed, dear," Elaine said breezily as if Gail had just stubbed her toe or gotten a paper cut rather than having been freed from the clutches of a psychopath.

'_Yeah cuz the only wounds are visible…'_ the blonde thought to herself, fighting to keep her expression neutral.

"I assume you've heard about Detective Barber?" her mother asked sadly, the first sincere reaction from the elder Peck since her earlier lapse into humanity.

"Yes mom, I know about Jerry," Gail replied, her voice nearly whispering his name as she closed her eyes tightly to stop the instant prickle of tears she felt welling at the mention of his name.

"So how do you want to play this?" Elaine asked pointedly, completely catching her daughter off guard with the question.

"I'm sorry?"

"You know how this works. An officer dies in the line of duty saving the life of another officer, there's only two options; you're either another victim or the second hero who faced down a serial killer," the Superintendent continued uncrossing her arms and shifting her weight to stare at the blonde who suddenly looked ill. "I don't see why you can't be the latter in that scenario; you did play a large role in Perrick's apprehension and stopping his reign of terror on young, unsuspecting women in this city."

Suddenly feeling physically sick at what her mother was getting at, Gail had to use every ounce of strength to not vomit right then and there. She realized she shouldn't be so surprised her mother would take this angle and try to spin the story positively for the Peck name, but this was a new low.

Had Elaine not just heard her telling of the events that led her here?

Of course she had because Elaine had just spent the last 10-15 minutes pointing out every little thing Gail could've done differently- every little thing Gail had already berated herself for- and now she was trying to play her daughter off as a hero?

No. Gail could not and would not go along with this.

"Yeah having a door slammed in your face, being drugged and taken against your will, and putting Jerry in the position that cost him his life is playing a huge role in arresting him…" Gail trailed off snidely, unable to bring herself to say her capture's name as she felt her composure beginning to slip.

"Let's face it hun, after your suspension your career could really use the commendation, maybe finally get you into the next detective's rotation," her mother said, Elaine's eyes shining brightly with the possibilities none of which Gail wanted any part of and certainly not this way.

"You know, mom, I'm really tired. I think I need to lay down for a bit," the blonde said, praying to any deity listening that Elaine would buy it and draw her visit to a close. After a few agonizing moments, the Superintendent scooped up her purse and came around the side of the bed to place a quick kiss to her daughter's cheek.

"I should be going anyways, I have a late lunch scheduled with the Chief," her mother said with a gleam at the mere mention of rubbing elbows with a higher up in the Division. Elaine was practically glowing despite the fact that the Chief of Police had been a long-time family friend they'd known for most of Gail's life.

"Tell Uncle James I said hi," the blonde said, waving her hand haphazardly as her mother made her way towards the door.

"I will," the elder Peck said happily before her tone turned serious once again, "think about what I said Gail. You could use this mishap as a spring board for an illustrious career."

And with that Elaine was gone, leaving Gail to sit on the bed stewing with disgust.

She sighed heavily and flopped onto her back, staring aimlessly at the stark white ceiling questioning why she couldn't have been born to a normal mother and into a normal family; one without ridiculous expectations or the fear of every action becoming a public relations nightmare.

After a moment her mind floated off on another tangent. What if she had a normal mom who was warm and compassionate? Who instead of double-guessing every move her daughter made and criticizing her every action had just sat with her and held her? Had let her cry her eyes out and had spoken reassuring words that weren't hollow and made Gail feel loved rather than a screw-up?

The blonde clamped her eyes shut, feeling the now all too familiar sting of tears as she realized that that's all she had wanted from Elaine just now. Some reassurance, some comfort. But instead, Gail felt as alone and isolated as she had when she was strapped to the table in Perrick's basement.

The blonde closed her eyes trying to think of anything else to get her mind off of all the issues that were slowly closing in and it wasn't long until she drifted off into another fitful slumber.

3


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N:** Seriously guys thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you for all the kind words and reviews. You guys rock! :)

As always reviews are greatly appreciated, but don't worry I'm not one of those authors who will hold the story hostage if they don't get them...Or am I? ;)

On a side note, I'm already 1,300 words into chapter 5 and have chapter 6 mapped out so I'm hoping to have another chapter up sometime this coming week.

Here's chapter 4, I hope you enjoy it.

Sadly I still don't own any part of Rookie Blue, just my own mistakes.

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The room was pitch black; not a shadow or speck of light could be seen and for a moment Gail wasn't sure if her eyes were open or closed. She lulled her head to the side only to be met with endless unrelenting darkness.

Though she couldn't see it, she could feel something wrapped around her arm and moved to touch it only for her wrist to be met with unexpected, solid resistance and her hand fell back down to her side with a thud. Panic quickly set in as she tugged at the restraints holding her firmly in place.

Gail's breathing instantly kicked into overdrive, the pulse of blood pounding in her ears like a freight train as she broke out in a cold sweat, once again pulling futility on the thick canvas straps wrapped around her wrists.

That's when she heard it, the delicate clicking of wingtip shoes on cement.

It was a sound so distinct yet menacing it made her blood run cold in an instant. She pulled and fought against the restraints with a renewed vigor as the tapping steadily grew louder with their approach. The blonde grimaced as the material left friction burns on the thin skin of her wrists, a price she would gladly pay if it granted her freedom.

"Now look what you've done to this beautiful smooth skin…" an eerily familiar voice said disapprovingly close to her ear before she felt her hand being grasped and turned over.

Suddenly her hair was tugged and it was so bright Gail thought she was starring directly into the sun and clamped her eyes shut against the harsh light. After a moment she reopened her eyes; squinting and blinking repeatedly when her eyes began to water.

"Sorry, let me move that," the voice said and the sun was shifted out of her face, only it wasn't the sun, but a surgical grade light hanging above the exam table she was anchored to.

She glanced around and her heart sank as she took in her surroundings. The black blindfold beside her shoulder, the damp chill in the air, the distant drip of water, the exam table, the IV line sticking out of her arm, and the various pieces of medical equipment leaving her with little doubt of her current location.

Gail felt pressure on her other hand as it too was moved for closer inspection.

"You keep this up and I'll have to give you something to calm you down," the voice said taking on a disappointed tone just before Ross Perrick leaned over the table and into her line of sight.

"And I want you perfectly lucid for what I've got planned for you Gail. Don't worry; you won't feel a thing, ok? I'm going to take care of you," Perrick said, his words anything, but reassuring as he brought the blindfold closer.

The blonde gasped and sat bolt upright, panting and covered in a sheen of sweat. She quickly looked around and sighed with relief, the only time she'd ever been happy to find herself in a hospital. She took a few deep breaths trying to get her heart rate to return to some semblance of normal and squeezed her eyes shut tightly for a moment, this time in no danger of falling back asleep.

She took a few more cleansing breaths when a slight rustling drew her attention and she looked to her left to find the once empty chair was now occupied.

Holly was slumped against the rounded seatback with her arms folded across her chest, her legs bent at the knee so her feet could rest on the lower bar of the bed rail and her head was leant back against the wall. The doc looked too big for the chair; her head tilted at an odd angle that Gail was certain would leave her with one hell of a stiff neck if she stayed like this too long.

The pathologist looked exhausted as her rhythmic deep breathing oddly provided the blonde with comfort. Gail looked at her new friend, really studying her and was taken aback by how uniquely beautiful she was. Holly had a type of beauty that seemed effortless like no matter what she wore whether it be jeans and an old t-shirt or an elegant evening gown she could command the attention of a room. The doc just had an heir about her that Gail couldn't quite place, but found herself drawn to, she wasn't cocky or condescending like most doctors Peck had come in contact with. She was warm and approachable and vibrant; all qualities not often found in people with M.D. attached to the end of their name.

Gail swept her eyes over the length of the brunette's body noting the doc still wore the same muted grey sweater and jeans from before, both of which now looked slightly more rumpled and worn. Her eyes drifted to Holly's full lips which were slightly parted as she slept and wondered how they'd feel against her own.

'_What the hell?'_ Gail thought scrunching her face, not knowing where the hell that came from.

"Didn't your parents teach you it's not polite to stare?" Holly asked in a low sleep-ridden voice, her eyes now open and looking curiously at the blonde who jumped at the sound.

"Jesus, nerd! You scared the shit out of me!" Gail snapped her tone harsh with embarrassment.

"Jesus nerd? Sounds like I've been upgraded," the doc said only to be glared at. Holly chuckled and sat forward in the chair, playfully patting Peck's hand, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," she said more seriously as Gail scowled at her mockingly. Holly brought her hand up to her mouth, trying to stifle a yawn, but failing miserably.

'_She really does look beat,'_ the blonde thought as the doc turned her head from side to side stretching her neck.

"What's the matter lunchbox, you run out of clean clothes?" the blonde asked with a sweep of her hand.

Holly glanced down at herself and chuckled.

"I have plenty of clothes thank you very much. It's just getting home to change into them that seems to be the problem," the brunette replied rolling her shoulders.

"You haven't been home yet?"

The doc shook her head no and yawned again.

"Your cats are going to be pissed at you…" Gail trailed off like Holly was in trouble. The brunette smirked and titled her head.

"What makes you think I have a cat let alone multiple?" Holly asked with a chuckle.

"I don't know, just figured it fit with the lunchbox toting nerd persona you have going on," Peck replied with a shrug causing Holly to throw her head back and laugh. The sound caused butterflies to flutter in the blonde's stomach; the accompanying smile did nothing to stop them either.

"You're making a lot of assumptions, officer. Which for the record are false," Holly smirked. "Besides I'm not really a cat person. I would love to get a dog, but" she gestured to her clothes, "I'm not home much sometimes and that wouldn't be fair."

Gail nodded her head, taking it in.

"So why haven't you been home yet?"

Holly, to her credit, managed to keep her poker face intact at the momentary panic the question caused. She couldn't exactly tell the blonde she had spent a portion of her evening comforting Officer Nash when she came to see Jerry and then spent the remainder of the morning performing his autopsy.

"Got stuck at work and then came back to see how you were," the brunette replied glossing over the truth while not exactly lying either. "How are you doing?"

Gail wasn't exactly sure how to answer the question, she'd always been told feelings were a sign of weakness and was so used to downplaying what she felt, but somehow she felt different with Holly. She felt safe, like she could tell the brunette anything without the fear of judgment; something she wished she had with her family. That realization both terrified and thrilled her, yet she couldn't bring herself to delve into it.

"The doc came by earlier and said I could get out of here this evening so that's awesome…" Gail replied knowing it wasn't what Holly meant, but was relieved when the brunette didn't press her about it. Between Elaine's visit and the nightmare she felt so emotionally drained that she didn't think she had it in her to get into anything deep.

"That's great, you gotta to be psyched to be going home," Holly replied with genuine excitement, but Gail just shrugged indifferently.

"I'm excited to get out of here, but not necessarily about going home per say," the blonde said receiving a questioning, confused look from Holly. "I live in a frat house with the two smelly boys you met. Sure they're like brothers to me, but our apartment doesn't exactly promote peace and tranquility. It's loud and messy and…" she trailed off frowning.

"What about your parents?"

"Hell to the no," the blonde replied quickly and firmly. "I'd rather go back down into that basement," she said without thinking and winced at her own comment. Holly knew this was an obvious point of contention, but let it go for the time being with the hope that Gail would open up about it at some point. "I'll probably just stay at a hotel for a few days."

Holly furrowed her brow, not liking that idea one bit.

"Or you could come stay at my place," the brunette offered like it was no big deal. "I have a spare room with a decently comfortable bed and I'll be at work most of the day anyway so at least it would be quiet for you," she shrugged.

Again, Gail was taken aback by this woman's kindness.

"No offense Hol, but you hardly know me…" the blonde trailed off.

"What's there to know? You're not going to steal my stuff are you? Throw a wild party?" Holly asked with mock suspicion.

Gail pointed to herself.

"Police officer, remember?"

"You know I thought it sounded familiar," Holly smirked and was glad to see Gail smile a genuine smile before leaning back in the chair. "Anyways, it's an option, just throwing it out there."

A gentle knock at the door pulled both women's attention away from their banter as Gail's physician walked in.

"Good news Ms. Peck you're free to go," the doctor said with a smile at the foot of the bed.

"You're starting to sound like me at work," Gail said arching a brow as both docs chuckled. "Dr. Dixon, Dr. Holly Stewart. Holly, Dr. Dixon," the blonde said waving back and forth between the two of them who nodded and shook hands.

"Dr. Stewart huh? Will you be taking over Ms. Peck's care?" he asked.

"I'm hoping to, at least for the next 24 hours if she'll let me," Holly replied looking at Gail expectantly who just glared and quickly stuck her tongue out at her.

"I think that's actually a very good idea," Dr. Dixon said in a fatherly tone turning to the blonde and giving her a stern look.

"If I'd known you two were going to gang up on me I wouldn't have introduced you," Peck scoffed stubbornly and felt Holly playfully bat her forearm.

"I have your discharge papers right here and instructions for keeping your sutures clean," Dixon said riffling through the papers in his hands.

"No offense doc, but I'm 27 years old, I think I know how to keep a cut clean by now," the blonde said rising from the bed to gather her duffle bag and coat from the closet.

"None taken it's just part of the discharge literature," Dixon said with a polite smile. "I just need you to sign here and you're good to go," he pointed to a spot at the bottom of the page and Gail grabbed the pen, made a quick scribble and looked to Holly who was pulling on her jacket.

"Do you have everything?" the brunette asked after Dr. Dixon wished his patient well before leaving. Gail quickly gave the room a once over before nodding. "Ready?"

"More than you can imagine, Lunchbox."


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Once again guys, thank you so much to everyone who keeps coming back for more. I really appreciate all your kind reviews and PMs, you guys are the greatest!

On a side note, chapter 6 is already completed & edited so keep an eye out for that bad boy coming sometime next week (I can't completely spoil you guys with 3 chapters in a week, lol). Chapter 7 is outlined and chapter 8 is done...yes you read that correctly, inspiration hit me a bit out of order, but that's ok. :)

I'd like to wish those of you who celebrate, a very Happy Thanksgiving!

Enjoy! :)

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As it turned out it didn't take much to convince Gail to stay at Holly's for the night. Holly figured the hard-nosed cop would've put up more of a fight, but was relieved when she didn't, knowing it was probably in Gail's best interest to not be alone after all she'd been through. The blonde's only stipulation had been a bottle of tequila and since Gail wasn't on any medication the doc hadn't seen any harm in it and conceded to a brief detour to the liquor store.

The remainder of the ride had gone by relatively quickly not to mention quietly as Gail looked out the window deep in thought. She only spoke once to comment on the nicer part of town they had crossed into and hadn't uttered another word until Holly pulled into her parking spot and shut off the engine.

"You seriously live here?" Gail asked sounding slightly awed as she gazed up at the newly developed brownstone townhouses in front of her, unable to fathom what they must cost.

_'More than I can afford,'_ she thought to herself as the doc pushed the driver's door open with a chuckle and grabbed her bag from the back seat. Gail followed the brunette up the cobble-stone walkway to the porch where Holly unlocked the door and stepped aside to let Gail enter first.

The blonde stepped into the dark room, her boots thudding on the hard wood floor followed shortly by the doc who pushed the front door closed and flipped a few switches bathing the room in front of her in soft light. Despite her best effort, Gail's jaw dropped as she took in the space around her, it was beautiful in a non pretentious or stiff way.

To her immediate left was a large open kitchen area with beautiful oak cabinets and dark marble countertops that accented the stainless steel appliances perfectly. A breakfast bar lined with matching wood stools served to separate the kitchen from the living room.

And what a space it was.

The living room was large, but cozy with vaulted ceilings. To the right was a staircase leading to the second floor followed by a large red brick fire place. Straight ahead was a set of French double doors that the blonde assumed lead to the back yard. In the corner between the fireplace and the doors was a modest, but expensive entertainment stand with an impressively large television and surround sound system. An oversized, not to mention ridiculously comfortable looking sofa sat angled towards the TV in front of a modern glass coffee table and bookended by a matching recliner. Free standing lamps were arranged near the sitting area bathing the quaint area in a soft glow.

To the left of the French doors was a large 7 foot bookcase that was filled to the brim except for one shelf which had framed pictures and knick-knacks that Gail made a mental note to look at later. The open door beyond the storage unit led to a half bathroom that also served as a laundry room.

After Holly gave her a quick walkthrough of the first floor she lead the way upstairs, pointing out her spacious home office followed by the master suite until they arrived at the guest room where Gail would be staying.

'_This guest room is bigger than my bedroom at the frat house,'_ the blonde thought idly as she set her bag down on the floor beside the full size bed.

"I could live here," Gail said with a nod of her head as she plopped down on the mattress and bounced lightly to test it out. She hadn't even laid down yet and could tell it put the hospital's bed to shame.

Holly chuckled and leaned against the door frame.

"Your place can't be that bad…"the brunette said and watched as Gail shook her head.

"Yes it can. The boys leave their dishes piled up in the sink; they never clean out the refrigerator so who knows what's living in there…" Gail said making a disgusted face causing Holly to chuckle. "Dov leaves his smelly running shoes by the front door to stink up the whole apartment, there's always shaving stubble in the bathroom sink. Oh and Chris makes meat cocktails, Holly…meat."

Holly giggled as Gail emphasized the word and pulled a face. Despite the complaints about her roommates, the doc could see the affection the blonde harbored for the boys as she spoke and could tell there was a bond there that went beyond the brotherhood of the badge.

"That certainly doesn't sound appetizing," the doc snickered not even the slightest bit curious about the drink's ingredients.

"It's not, it's repulsing" Peck replied emphatically.

"Well my house is your house, ok? Make yourself at home, help yourself to anything you need," Holly said sincerely and pointed across the room before continuing. "The bathroom is through there; towels are in the cupboard and there should be a new toothbrush in the vanity."

"Damn even the guest room has its own bathroom?" Gail asked in amazement and wondered how she'd ever go back to sharing one bathroom with Diaz and Epstein after this.

"I'll let you get settled," the brunette said pushing off the frame, but stopping short in the hall. "I don't normally eat this late, but I'm thinking about ordering some Chinese food; does that sound good to you?"

"After the shitty hospital food Chinese sounds like heaven," Peck replied with a grin. "I'll have sweet & sour chicken."

"You got it," Holly nodded and headed back downstairs, leaving Gail to look around the roomy guest room. She was surprised at how comfortable she felt in this completely foreign space, maybe it was the décor, maybe she was too exhausted to care where she was.

'_Maybe it's the fact that Holly is downstairs,'_ she thought and shook her head as she felt her phone buzz in her pocket. Gail took a deep breath and let it out, knowing word had probably gotten out that she'd been released and dreaded the flood of text messages she expected to start rolling in.

**DORKSTEIN**: Hey I just stopped by the hospital to see how you were doing, but they said you'd been released. Where are you anyway? I wanted to let you know the final arrangements have been made for Jerry, Traci asked me to pass it along. She's been trying to reach you.

_'Traci,'_ she thought and felt her heart sink to the floor. How was she ever going to face her friend again knowing what she'd cost her and her son? She suddenly felt guilty for dodging Traci's calls, but really what could she say to her?

Peck's phone buzzed again.

**DORKSTEIN**: Friday, St. Anne's cemetery on Farmington Blvd, service starts at 10. Chris and I can pick you up on the way if you need us to…just know we're here for you, Gail, whatever you need.

Gail felt a mix of emotions rush through her in an instant; love and affection for Dov's concern for her, guilt and fear for not reaching out to Traci, anxiety at the thought of facing her co-workers, and dread at having to say goodbye to Jerry.

She flopped back onto the mattress and stared aimlessly at the ceiling, feeling her heart starting to race at the thought of the going to the funeral. She knew she needed to talk to Traci, but was at a complete loss for words. Really what can you say to a friend whose fiancé died saving your life? Would Traci resent her? Hate her even?

The blonde knew her friend would have every right to and honestly wouldn't blame her if she did. Jerry died to save her and in doing so forfeited the life he'd been building with Traci and Leo and that was something Gail would have to live with.

A knock on the door frame pulled her from her thoughts and looked up to find Holly standing in the door way.

"Hey I'm going to jump in the shower real quick, the food shouldn't take too long. Do you mind listening for the door?" the brunette asked, concern briefly donning her face at finding Gail lost so deep in thought. The blonde nodded and rose from the bed. "There's money on the counter in case they show up before I'm out, just tell him to keep the change."

Holly watched for a moment as Gail nodded solemnly before turning her attention back to her phone, typing out a message. She had so many questions she wanted to ask the officer, but was hesitant to pry. The whole purpose behind offering up her home was to help Gail relax and Holly didn't want her to feel pressured into talking if she wasn't ready, but at the same time the doc knew it wasn't good for Peck to hold everything in. That was a tried and true recipe for disaster, a time bomb that no doubt would have a rapidly ticking clock. Deciding to wait for a good time to breach the topic, Holly silently nodded and then headed down the hall to her bedroom and closed the door behind her.

Gail made her way downstairs into the living room and turned in a slow circle to really take in the room. Her attention was drawn to the fire place mantle and she made her way in that direction, her socked feet thudding on the soft rug. Her gaze settled on the picture frames lining the elegant wooden plank and slowly looked from frame to frame. A slow smile spread across her own face as she took in the happy, and what she assumed to be, family moments captured within.

A photo of a slightly younger Holly cloaked in a cap and gown complete with honors cords from University of Toronto Medical School caught her eye. The brunette's smile stole the photo of her and her parents who beamed with pride as their daughter proudly displayed her degree. It was the epitome of a happy memory forever captured and it made Gail think back to her own graduation. What should've been a joyous day of celebration quickly turned into the start of never ending pressure from her mother.

The blonde could recall the memory like it was yesterday. She had graduated 2nd in her class of cadets, an accomplishment she had been extremely proud of until Elaine saw the class ranking and had scoffed at the fact she was the first Peck to not finish at the top. And so the vicious cycle of criticism began, the endless measuring of every action Gail took that never seemed to live up to the Superintendent's standards. It didn't help that her brother, Steve, had been the proverbial golden child. Everything had come naturally to Steve whether it was the academic or physical aspect of police work and so Elaine had expected the same from her daughter regardless of how hard Gail worked.

Pushing the thought aside, Gail moved down the line and noticed the edge of a picture sticking out from behind another frame, almost completely blocked from view. With her curiosity peaked she gently lifted the picture over the one in front and peered at it.

It was another photo of Holly, this one more recent than the graduation photo with her parents. The picture was beautiful. She and another woman, a red head with long curly hair, were seated on a beach at night, the warm glow of a bonfire burning in front of them providing the light source. Holly was sitting in the sand with her legs bent at the knee, the pretty red head sat between them leaning flush against the doc's chest, her head resting on the brunette's shoulder, and Holly's arms were wrapped around her in a tender embrace. Both women looked straight ahead, clearly unaware that they were the subject of the camera's eye.

Behind the blonde, Holly came down the stairs and stopped immediately when she saw Gail standing in front of the fireplace with a loose photo in hand. She had a pretty healthy hunch what the officer was looking at and felt her heart drop to the floor. Not wanting Gail to feel as if she were keeping something from her, Holly knew she would needed to explain it to the blonde regardless if the officer asked about it.

Taking a deep breath, Holly slowly walked up behind the blonde purposely shuffling her feet so Gail wouldn't feel snuck up on.

"That was taken up at Woodbine Beach a few summers ago," Holly said and Gail turned to face her as she thought back. "A group of us went up. We barbequed and swam and played volleyball. Then when the sun went down and the temperature dipped we had a bonfire, it was such a good time."

Holly smiled and nodded to the photo still in Gail's hand, bracing from the potential fallout of what she was about to say.

"That's my ex, Amy," the brunette continued, carefully watching the blonde for any kind of reaction as Peck just nodded and looked at the photo once again.

"She's beautiful," Gail commented, looking up to meet Holly's guarded gaze and the doc was relieved to see the crystal blue eyes looking back at her void of all judgment. There was no surprise, no shock, no nervous smile or averted gaze. "What happened, if you don't mind my asking of course…"

Holly shook her head and shrugged.

"Our timing was off. She was ready to get married and have kids, but I wasn't quite there yet," Holly replied honestly. "She was great person, she understood I was just starting my career so we went our separate ways. Amy got married last fall and she and her wife are expecting their first child in a few months."

Gail nodded and turned to put the picture back where she found it.

"I wish I could say I've had mature relationships like that, but it would be a lie, especially the last one," the blonde said with a nervous laugh as she turned back around noticing for the first time since Holly came downstairs what the brunette was wearing.

She tried to hide the appraising sweep of her eyes as she looked over the doc in a fitted black tank top and plaid checkered pajama pants that hung just right from her hips, her damp hair hanging loosely behind her shoulders. If Holly noticed the once over from the officer she didn't give any indication and Gail was more than thankful for it as she felt the heat creeping up her neck and into her cheeks. Luckily a knock on the front door saved her from the embarrassment of being caught as Holly went to retrieve their food.

After thanking the delivery man, the doc entered the kitchen and collected a few plates as Gail ripped open the bag and began removing cartons of food.

"Want a beer?" the brunette asked, peeking out from behind the open refrigerator door, but Gail waved her off instead holding up her bottle of tequila.

"Got it covered," Peck said taking a long full before tearing into her food with a fervor that made Holly chuckle as she took a seat next to Gail at the breakfast bar.

"So, what were you about to say about your last relationship?" Holly asked casually despite her curiosity.

"Apparently immature guys were my thing," Gail said popping the lid on her food container, Holly noticed the blonde's use of the word in the past tense, but let it go. "I was actually engaged to one for 5 minutes…"

Holly sputtered mid sip from her beer and Gail chuckled, sliding a few napkins her way.

"I know right," the blonde said sounding surprised herself.

"What happened there?" the doc asked mopping up the droplets of brew on the countertop now fully recovered from her momentary lapse of composure.

"We were young and stupid. A few days after Nick proposed we had this hair brain idea to run off to Vegas and get married. At the time it seemed romantic, for us that is," Gail said with a smirk. "The day before we were supposed to walk down the aisle I woke up alone in our hotel suite with a note simply saying 'I'm sorry'…and like that he was gone."

"That's terrible," Holly said, her hand coming to her chest and was relieved when Peck waived her hand absently.

"Its fine, I mean at the time I was heartbroken, but its fine now. Turns out he ran off to join the army. I always liked to think it was because he knew I'd kill him if I found him," the blonde snickered before continuing. "Oddly enough he resurfaced about 6 months ago as a rookie at 15 Division of all places," she explained intermittently taking bites of her food. "We tried to make things work, but…" she trailed off, eyes downcast as she absently picked at her fried rice.

"But what?" the doc asked, furrowing her brow.

"He kind of abandoned me again. He hasn't called or even text me since everything happened," Peck replied lowly before raising her gaze to meet the brunette's. Holly saw the hurt and anger flash in Gail's eyes, but just as quickly as it appeared it was gone, her tone turning aloof. "It's just as well I guess since I wasn't girlfriend material according to him."

"Why would he say something like that?"

"If you haven't noticed I'm kind of a bitch sometimes. I'm not easy to get along with and I'm incredibly awkward around parents so I tend to make a bad first impression," the blonde said, digging back into her dinner seemingly finished with this conversation. Holly was surprised by Gail's skewed view of herself and wondered not for the first time if it was part of her defenses.

"Can I ask you a favor?" the blonde asked, her voice suddenly sounding small as Holly looked up meeting her gaze.

"Of course," the doc said gently, patiently waiting. Gail's eyes clouded over as she absently picked at the label of her tequila bottle.

"Jerry's funeral is Friday…" Gail all, but whispered, "would you be able to come with me?"

Holly nodded despite the blonde's eyes not leaving the bottle.

"Yeah, I can do that," Holly replied, trying not to make it a big deal and Gail was thankful for it.

The pair fell into comfortable silence as they finished eating. When the doc was done she rose from the stool and rinsed off her plate.

"I'm going to turn in for the night," Holly said, wiping her hands on a dish towel and turning to the blonde. "Feel free to watch TV or whatever you like."

Gail nodded and Holly flashed a quick smile before heading to the stairs. The doc was just about to start her ascent when the blonde quickly whipped around.

"Holly," Peck called out causing the brunette to stop on the bottom step and turned to face her. Gail opened her mouth, feeling the now familiar disconnect between her brain and her lips as a million thoughts flooded her mind, but wouldn't fall in line to be expressed. So Gail did what she always does and kept it simple. "Thanks," she said with a nod and Holly broke out into a full on grin.

"Anytime," the doc replied with a nod and headed upstairs.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: **As always, a huge heartfelt thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed this little ficlet. I hope you're enjoying reading it as much as I'm enjoying writing it. :)

Chapter 7 is about 1/4 of the way written (but completely mapped out), Chapter 8 is done, and Chapter 9 is outlined so hang in there folks.

*insert spiel about not owning or profiting from Rookie Blue here*

As always, reviews and PMs are always welcomed and encouraged. ;) Ok here we go, enjoy guys!

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Holly wasn't sure what time it was when she was startled awake. She sat forward on her elbows doubting if she'd actually heard something or if her sleep deprived mind was playing tricks on her. The confusion was short lived when a muted, agonizing scream sounded off seconds later; there was a flurry of movement in the spare room followed by the bathroom door slamming shut a moment later.

"Shit," the brunette said lowly, realizing what was happening and flung the covers back to jump out of bed. Holly trotted down the short hall and through the guest room, stopping just outside the bathroom to lightly press her ear to the wooden door.

She could just make out the distinct sound of retching followed by choked sobs and the toilet flushing. Pulling back, the brunette tapped gently at the door, but received no response.

"Gail?" she called, but still no reply came. "I'm coming in…"

Holly grasped the handle, sending up a silent thank you to the heavens above when the knob turned, and gently pushed the door open.

What she saw instantly broke her heart.

Gail was huddled on the floor wedged in the corner near the bathtub, her head jerking up at the sound of the door creaking open. Her usual clear blue eyes were clouded and unfocused, almost wild looking. The officer's body shook, her breaths coming in jagged gasps.

Holly slowly sat down against the tub at a lost for what to do as she looked at the trembling blonde before her. Her first instinct was to reach out and pull Gail close, but noticed when she moved Peck flinched with uncertainty. She'd never seen anyone stripped so bare with raw fear, not even when they'd been huddled on the hospital floor had Gail seemed so broken. For a moment Holly wasn't sure if Gail was truly present or if she was still mentally locked within the nightmare she'd clearly just had.

"Gail…" Holly said softly leaning down to put herself in the blonde's eye line and was relieved when she blinked and blue eyes locked with brown, fully focusing for the first time since Holly entered the room. "There you are…" she said soothingly, slowly reaching forward before halting her movement. Gail noticed the hesitation and nodded ever so slightly with silent permission before the doc scooted forward and rubbed a soothing hand over the blonde's tense shoulders, her muscles feeling like rocks.

Gail closed her eyes leaning into Holly's touch, causing Holly to push in closer and wrap her in a secure hug, gently rocking the officer.

"What can I do?" Holly asked rubbing the blonde's back as Peck nestled her face into the crook of the brunette's neck.

"You're already doing it," Gail whispered with tears streaming down her face. Holly felt her own eyes sting and blinked back the tears welling within, her heart breaking for this woman who was clearly suffering and wished there was something she could do to ease the pain.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Holly asked, lips pressed into the side of Gail's platinum hair. The officer slowly looked to her with haunted eyes gently shaking her head no as her body continued to tremble despite her best attempts to control it.

They sat in silence until Gail eventually calmed, the shaking having subsided by the time she pulled back and sat upright.

"Can I get you anything? Water? Cup of tea?" Holly asked searching weary blue eyes before adding with a cocked brow, "shot of Jack?"

She was relieved when Gail smirked ever so slightly and shook her head.

"I'm tired," Peck said, her voice sounding so small. "I'm just so tired, Hol…"

"I know," the brunette replied with a sympathetic nod, rubbing her arms. "Come on," she said taking Gail's hands in hers she gently helped her to her feet and guided her back into the bedroom where Peck hesitantly perched herself on the edge of the mattress. "I'll be right back ok?"

Gail nodded as Holly stooped to retrieve the empty tequila bottle from beside the bed and left the room. She could hear the doc's bare feet retreating down the hall in the direction of the staircase before fading out completely. She leaned forward, putting her head in her hands and let out a deep frustrated sigh.

She'd hoped the nightmare at the hospital had been an isolated incident, but just as luck would have it, it wasn't. If anything they were getting progressively worse, their nature steadily escalating each time she slept, making Gail almost dread the thought of closing her eyes.

Holly's returning footsteps in the hall pulled her from her thoughts as the brunette stepped through the door with a mug in hand.

"Try this," she said softly handing over the warm ceramic mug which Gail hesitantly accepted, sniffing the warm vapors wafting over the top of the rim.

"What is it?" Peck asked looking up at her skeptically before taking a tentative sip.

"Chamomile tea," Holly replied, sitting down beside Gail who looked at the liquid before shrugging and taking a larger sip. She leaned back and rubbed Peck's back. "It should help you relax."

They sat in silence while Gail finished her tea. It wasn't the greatest thing she'd ever tasted, but it certainly wasn't the worst either; she had no doubt Chris' meat cocktails would forever hold that title. Holly yawned, taking the now empty mug from Gail's hands as the blonde pulled the covers back.

"Try to get some sleep ok?" Holly said, smoothing out the comforter and had only taken a single step towards the door when a warm hand gripped her wrist. She turned and looked down at Gail.

"Stay with me?" the blonde asked, her eyes pleading as she locked gazes with Holly; the fear and anxiety almost palpable as it rolled off of her in waves. Holly realized in that moment she would've given Gail anything she asked for. She nodded and Gail scooted closer to the wall to make room for her. The brunette set the mug on the bedside table and slid under the covers finally getting settled on her back as Gail lay on her side facing away from her.

Holly had just closed her eyes when she felt the bed shaking slightly followed by a sniffle. Opening her eyes and looking to her left, she could just barely make out the outline of Gail's shoulders as they shook with silent cries. Pushing up onto an elbow, Holly leaned over and rubbed Peck's arm which only caused her to cry harder.

"Hey," Holly said lowly, leaning closer to the officer's ear. "It's ok." To her amazement, Gail rolled over completely and wrapped her arms around her waist, clinging to Holly with everything she had. "Shhh, it's ok, I've got you…you're safe," she whispered, settling on her back once again, this time with Gail half draped across her. She gently ran soothing, small circles on Peck's back who gradually relaxed against her.

Holly laid awake long after the blonde's breathing evened out and she had fallen asleep. She wished she had the answers to Gail's ailments and though she didn't remember much from her psych rotation in med school she knew the tell tale signs of survivor's guilt when she saw it.

And Holly definitely saw it in Gail.

She glanced down at the blonde head resting on her chest, snoring lightly and ran through the list in her head; difficulty sleeping- check, withdrawing from others- check, emotional mode swings- check, nightmares-100% absolutely check!

Holly knew all she could do was be patient and support Gail in any way she'd let her, she couldn't push her friend to open up and talk about things if she wasn't ready. That would only serve to exacerbate things and cause Gail to withdraw further; something Holly knew the officer couldn't afford to do.

Sighing heavily Holly closed her eyes, concentrating on Peck's rhythmic breathing; silently willing it to lull her off to sleep. The doc wasn't a religious person by any means, but she prayed that whatever demons were torturing the blonde would give her a reprieve for the remainder of the night and maybe if she were really lucky Gail would talk to her about it in the morning.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **You guys continue to amaze me with your support and words of encouragement for this little brain creation of mine. Thank you so much to everyone who has read and left such kind reviews and PMs. I really do pay attention to them and take your suggestions into consideration when writing future chapters so thank you for the feedback.

I've had a pretty quiet weekend filled with inspiration and time so you beautiful people get to reap the benefits with another chapter.

Chapters 8 & 9 are done and being edited while Chapter 10 is about a 1/4 of the way thru its first draft and Chapter 11 is outlined. I told you I had time on my hands didn't I? ;)

Ok enough babbling, keep all arms and legs inside the ride, chapter 7 is leaving the station!

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The next morning Gail awoke cold, but not afraid like she had the previous day. She slowly turned to the right to find the bed empty beside her.

_'That explains the chill,'_ she thought as she reached over; laying her palm flat against the cold sheets where Holly's warm body had once been and surmised the brunette hadn't been up for more than 30 minutes or so.

Sighing heavily Gail threw back the blankets and rose to her feet, stretching her sore limbs with a low groan.

Surprisingly she'd slept like a rock after the nightmare last night. The only explanation she kept coming back to was Holly. Sure it was possible that she'd been so exhausted that her mind hadn't been capable of conjuring up more dark traumas to torment her with in her sleep. It also could've been the fact that unlike in the hospital, she was now sleeping on a real mattress that wasn't a few inches thick. In her heart though, Gail knew it was Holly's calming presence that helped her relax enough to rest soundly the remainder of the night.

Gail's mind drifted back to how effortless it had been to let the good doc in, how easily Holly seemed to navigate the extensive minefield and the seemingly impenetrable walls Gail had put up with nearly everyone else she met. She'd put those walls in place to safe guard her heart and after a while people had just stopped trying to come in, but truth be told she wanted to let Holly in.

It was almost as if the brunette knew what she needed without Gail having to say a single word. She thought of how comfortable and protected she'd felt as she laid in Holly's arms and though there had been nothing sexual about it, the sheer intimacy of such an act normally would've sent her running for the hills, but not this time. There was no sense of panic, no claustrophobic feeling of being closed in. And for the first time she didn't feel there were expectations thrust upon her, she could just be.

Gail slowly made her way downstairs stopping short of the first floor when she found Holly sitting at the breakfast bar hunched over a steaming cup of coffee. The brunette sat with her back to the staircase fully dressed for work in a dark blue button down shirt and jeans, her face resting lightly in her steepled hands. After a moment she lifted her head and yawned, bringing the cup to her lips and draining the rest of the coffee before rising to rinse the empty mug in the sink. Holly braced her hands on the counter gazing out the window before lulling her head forward with another yawn.

"Morning," Gail said walking down the last few steps as Holly spun around slightly startled at the sound of her voice.

'_Wow she looks tired,'_ Gail thought as she made her way over to the breakfast bar, taking Holly's now vacant seat. _'Still beautiful, but tired.'_

"Hey, good morning," Holly said with her patented crooked smile that made the blonde's stomach do summersaults. "How'd you sleep?"

"Like a baby thanks to you," Peck replied with a thankful nod, a feeling of immense gratitude swelling in her chest for the woman who had not only opened her home, but her heart to her.

"You definitely needed the rest," the brunette nodded fighting to stifle yet another yawn, but failed and brought her hand up to her mouth.

"Apparently you could use some too," Peck said gently, but the doc shook her head, turning to retrieve another mug from the cupboard.

"Nothing a little more coffee won't fix," Holly said warmly pushing the fresh steaming mug in front of Gail who eagerly wrapped her hands around it's warmth with a content sigh.

Gail raised the cup to her lips watching Holly over the rim fill a rather large travel mug with the remaining contents of the pot.

"Don't drink too much Stewart, you'll get all jittery like a tweaker," she said unable to fight the sneaking suspicion she was the cause of Holly's exhaustion and felt terrible for it.

'_Here she is comforting and supporting me and I'm causing her trouble,'_ Peck thought with a frown.

The brunette rinsed the empty pot and refilled the machine for Peck as she chuckled and turned to face the blonde.

"Don't worry officer, you don't make it through medical school without learning to have a steady hand with an excessive amount of caffeine in your system," Holly said with a slightly weary smirk. "I think it may have been a part of one of our practical exams…"

"Really?" Gail asked gullibly, furrowing her brow and flushing red when Holly laughed.

"No not really," the brunette replied still snickering. "But it would make for a good exercise though," she pondered for a moment before glancing at her watch. "Shit I'd better go," she said grabbing the travel mug and heading for the hallway.

"My number is on the counter, I should have my phone with me as long as I'm not in the autopsy bay so don't hesitate to call if you need anything," Holly said warmly, peering around the wall as she laid the collar of her jacket flat. "Try to get some rest, ok? Help yourself to whatever you like, but try to keep the snooping to a minimum," she smiled playfully.

"Police officer, remember?" Peck said, pointing to herself as she had in the hospital. "There's a natural curiosity that comes with the occupation."

"Why do you think I said it?" the doc sassed back with a smirk.

"What's the matter lunchbox; afraid I'll find some skeletons in that massive closet of yours upstairs?" Gail asked taking another sip of her coffee.

"No, but I need to keep some sense of mystery," Holly smirked and suddenly realized she had breached the border of playful banter and had unknowingly started flirting. She grabbed her bag and headed for the door. "I gotta go."

And just like that she was gone, leaving Gail sitting there in stunned silence. She blinked a few times before turning her attention to the nearly empty cup in her hands and rose for a refill. She stood at the kitchen window, catching a glimpse of Holly getting into her car down at the curb. The brunette fastened her seat belt, a habit Gail was relieved to see she had formed, and then leaned forward resting her head on the steering wheel. Peck furrowed her brow as she set her mug down on the counter and was about to go out and check on her when Holly sat back, started the car and pulled out of the parking spot.

After heading upstairs and taking a long hot shower, Gail made her way back down to the main floor and plopped down in the armchair quickly turning on the television. She flipped through channel after channel stopping every so often when something caught her attention before moving on once again. Finally settling on some mindlessly sleazy mid day paternity test show she zoned out and eventually fell asleep.

She awoke a short time later with a start, looking about the room before finally gathering her bearings. Sighing with relief, Gail rose from the chair switching the TV off and tossing the remote back onto the coffee table. Her stomach growled and she made her way into the kitchen in search of food.

"Who willingly eats this stuff?" she mumbled, pulling a face as she peered into the open refrigerator. Her eyes swept from the organic yogurt on one shelf to the prepackaged salads on the next before finally giving up when she glanced over at the all natural fruit smoothies in the door compartment and pushed the fridge shut once again.

_'Looks like I'm going out,' _she thought to herself and walked to the door to slip on her boots, but stopped short of the hall when she noticed Holly's note and business card on the countertop, beside them was a small silver key.

"Come and go as you please. Call if you need anything –Holly"

Gail couldn't help the chuckle that escaped from her lips after reading the short note.

'_So much for the stereotype that all doctors have terrible handwriting,'_ she thought as she took in the gentle elegance of the script on the page before setting it aside, pocketing the key and slipping the card into the back pocket of her jeans. She opened the front door and noticed the gloomy gray sky for the first time since waking up from her nap and shrugged indifferently at the thought of potentially getting rained on and head out.

It didn't take long for Gail to find her way once she got her bearings, thankful for the internal city map that had been imprinted upon her brain since she was a child courtesy of Superintendent Mom. She stopped off at a sandwich shop she often frequented while on duty and was silently thankful when there weren't any uniforms inside. The last thing she wanted to do was make uncomfortable small talk. After ordering her favorite sub and taking a guess at what Holly would like based on the ungodly healthy food at her apartment Gail headed out and down a few blocks to the forensics building.

All it took was a flash of her badge to get passed security at the front desk and then she was aboard the elevator on her way down a floor. She was slighting fascinated to learn that the morgue was actually below ground and her overactive imagination quickly flashed back to numerous horror movies she'd seen involving zombies resulting in a slight chuckle that escaped her lips as she pushed the thought from her mind.

With a muted ding the twin steel doors opened into a sterile looking hall way that closely resembled that of a hospital. Various people moved about clutching a wide array of items from file folders to paper bags containing evidence. She stepped out into the hall and must've looked out of place because a young man, probably in his mid twenties stopped just short of entering one of the labs a few doors past the elevator.

"Can I help you ma'am?" he asked from the door way.

"Um yeah, I'm looking for Holly," she said and received a blank look from the tech. "Sorry, Dr. Stewart, I'm looking for Dr. Holly Stewart." Recognition dawned on the man's face.

"Oh, Dr. Stewart is in her office on the 5th floor room 5321," he replied with a warm smile as Gail nodded her thanks and turned on her heel pushing the call button for the lift. "I can show you if you'd like."

Gail smiled. "It's ok, I'll find my way. Thank you though," she said and once again stepped into the elevator car.

True to her word the blonde found the office with no problem and gently pushed the door open expecting to find the doc posted at her desk typing away on her computer, but instead found the room mostly dark except for the faint glow of the desk lamp on the corner of the desktop, the chair sitting empty. Behind her, a noise grabbed her attention and Gail turned, finding her target.

Holly way stretched out on a couch in the corner of the room sound asleep. The brunette shifted onto her side as she slept and her brow furrowed while Gail looked on before relaxing once again. Peck couldn't help, but feel a pang of sadness knowing she was the cause for the doc's exhaustion.

Not wanting to be a creeper by watching Holly sleep, Gail quietly made her way over to the desk to set the deli bag down and scribbled a quick note. She couldn't help, but find it ironic that Holly had better penmanship then she did as she looked at her chicken scratch on the piece of blank paper she'd found. Sparing one last glance over her shoulder at the sleeping woman she gently closed the door behind her and headed back downstairs.

Peck wasn't surprised to find the weather hadn't changed a bit when she stepped back out onto the sidewalk with her lunch in hand and decided to head just down the block to the park. The wind picked up as she stepped out from behind the tall building's protection to cross the street and pulled her hood up over her head to help shield her from the chill. She was thankful she did when a moment later a squad car with 15 Division's patrol numbers rolled past her. Gail couldn't tell which of her fellow officers had been in the car, but with her platinum hair she knew it would've drawn their attention. They would've instantly recognized her and probably pulled over to chat, something she currently wanted no part of.

Instead she followed the street down a little ways where a park sat nestled at the outskirts of the business district and walked down to the picnic area to take a seat on one of the benches.

As she unwrapped her sandwich and took the first few bites her mind drifted back to this past summer when she and her fellow rookies had come here on a rare day off they'd all shared. She remembered it like it was yesterday.

Dov and Chris had wanted to play horse shoes and Oliver- always being up for a cold beer and a barbeque- had quickly rallied the troops for a day out. The whole gang had shown up; Sam and Andy, Traci, Leo, and Jerry, Frank and Noelle; hell even Nick had come out even though he didn't really know any of them yet. Truth be told, it had turned out to be a damn good time despite her aversion to being in the sun for long periods of time. That was the first time she truly felt she belonged and fit in with the group as they laughed and ate and just enjoyed each other's company without the stressors of work to get in the way.

Now was an entirely different story though. Now more than ever she felt like an outsider.

Gail pushed the thought aside and tossed the other half of her sandwich in a nearby trash can, her appetite suddenly nonexistent as she rose from the bench.

'_I could use a drink,'_ she thought and as if her body were equipped with autopilot, headed towards an all too familiar watering hole.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** I know you all are probably sick of hearing the same ole thing every time I update, but I can't help it, thank you all so much for all the feedback and reviews! I can't express how much it's appreciated. :)

Chapter 9 is just about done being edited. Unfortunately chapter 10 is proving to be a bit more challenging than I thought, but I want to get it right so please bare with me (this is Jerry's funeral for those of you asking). Chapter 11 and 12 are outlined.

Alright guys here we go, let me know what you think. Enjoy!

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Normally the Black Penny would've been her last choice to grab a drink in private, but since most of its usual patrons were police officers still on shift until later in the evening the bar was relatively quiet. That was precisely the reason Gail chose to go there for a much needed drink, the bar was a familiar, comfortable place and she knew she'd be left alone for a bit.

She sat in a booth tucked away in the back corner nursing her third rum and coke, noticing how Liam, the bartender, would glance over at her from time to time while cleaning and setting up for the evening rush- which Gail intended to be long gone for. This was the same booth she and her fellow officers commandeered almost every night after shift and there seemed to be an unspoken, informal understanding amongst fellow patrons that it was reserved for them. They'd spent countless nights here drinking, playing pool, and swapping stories.

Though it had only been a few days since she was last there it seemed like another lifetime entirely to Gail as she lifted the glass to her lips and took a hefty sip, relishing in the familiar sting of the booze. It was incredibly frightening to her how quickly things could change. In the blink of an eye her world had been turned upside down and she so badly wished she could turn back time and do things differently. Maybe she would've returned to the bar at the Archer hotel and had a few drinks, maybe then she would have climbed into a different cab and avoided the nightmare that now haunted her on a nightly basis. Maybe Andy and Sam would've joined her after their debriefing or maybe even Nick for that matter.

Nick…now there was a bitter thought.

He'd tried to call her only once since being released from the hospital and when Gail let the call go to voicemail he hadn't left a message. She didn't think he would, she figured he'd try again later, but he hadn't. She wasn't sure what the silence meant, hell she wasn't entirely sure she cared at this point. Collins wasn't there when she needed him most and at this rate a blind man could see the pattern that had formed. In the back of her mind she knew they were done and if she were being completely honest with herself she was relieved. He'd never been right for her; she'd never really connected with him or felt a strong bond. Sure Gail thought she'd been in love at the time, but looking back on everything prior to being ditched in Vegas it was just lust disguised as something more meaningful and despite being heartbroken at the time, she was now thankful they never made it down the aisle.

Still, this knowledge did nothing to stop her anger towards Nick. Weren't they still friends above everything else? Didn't friends show concern and support for one another when they were going through tough times?

'_Yeah cuz I've been such a great friend, maybe this is what I get,'_ she thought bitterly, feeling the all too familiar sense of self loathing slowly creeping back in and quickly downed the rest of her drink before signally the bartender for another.

Maybe this whole situation was karma finally catching up with her, payback for being such a grump and being difficult all the time. The thought was too much to contemplate and she was thankful when a fresh drink appeared in front of her.

"Thank you…" she said, the words dying on her lips as she looked up expecting to see Liam, but was shocked to find Traci standing before her and instantly dropped her gaze to the table feeling a wave of emotions rush over her. "Oh ah...hey…hey…" she stammered rubbing the bridge of her nose as her voice shook. Nash had been the last person she'd been expecting to see here and though Gail knew she wasn't ready to have this conversation she knew she could no longer put it off.

"Can I sit down?" Traci asked softly and the blonde's head bobbed.

"Yeah, ah…I've been meaning to call you," Peck stuttered as her friend slid into the booth opposite of her. Despite knowing it was the truth, Gail still felt guilty for not following through or even making an effort to reach out to her.

Traci's gaze wandered over Peck's face and she had to fight the urge to wince as she took in the wounds marring her friend's skin; the stitched laceration on her forehead, the split lip, and partial black eye. It was clear she'd been through hell physically which only caused Nash wonder what kind of emotional toll the kidnapping had been taking on her mentally.

"I wanted to see how you were doing," Nash said and Gail couldn't hold back the ironic chuckle that slipped from her throat as she waved her hand dismissively. Was Traci really worried about her with everything she was dealing with? That thought seemed ridiculous to the blonde and she couldn't wrap her head around the notion.

"My god, who cares how I'm feeling, you must be…umm…." Peck fumbled over her words as she sniffled, her gaze never leaving the table. "I don't know…I'm just…tired….that's it, just tired…" she finally settled on with a shrug.

"I know," Traci said with a heavy, tired sigh as she leaned against the back of the booth. "I wish I could sleep, I need to shut my brain off…"

A small silence stretched on between them for a beat before Nash spoke up, looking right at the blonde who still averted her eyes, the glass in her hand suddenly the most interesting thing in the room.

"Are you ok?" Traci asked gently, genuinely worried about her friend who was clearly struggling. Though she and Gail had never been as close as she and Andy, Traci still cared for her and felt a need to make sure she was all right.

Peck's head bobbed a little too quickly.

"Yeah I'm ok," she replied, her tone tight almost as if she were choking on the words as she spoke them. Gail's split lip quivered and her eyes welled with tears as she fought to hold it together, feeling as though if anyone at the table had a right to be a mess right now it was Traci. Peck shrugged and shook her head, blinking rapidly to try to keep the tears from falling.

"Gail," Traci said, her tone holding a thousand unspoken words as the blonde began to crumble before her eyes, yet still avoided her gaze. "You can look at me."

Peck's eyes closed completely and she shook her head.

"You can look at me," Traci repeated, her tone almost pleading now.

Still Gail shook her head. "I can't," she all but whispered and flinched slightly when suddenly Traci's warm hands covered hers.

"It's not your fault," Nash said and with that one simple statement Peck could no longer keep her composure. Gail sniffled as silent tears streaked down her cheeks leaving wet tracts in their wake and nodded her head once again.

"Yes it is."

"No it's not."

"His phone saved my life, if it wasn't for me he'd still have it and he would've been able to call for help…" Gail said wiping at her eye with the back of her knuckle, unable to speak the Detective's name in front of her.

"That's just who Jerry is…Jerry was..." Traci said, dropping her stare to the table for a moment before lifting it to look at her friend once again. "And you can't blame yourself for that."

"But now every time you look at me you're going to be reminded of why your fiancé died," Peck said, her voice cracking at the end of her sentence and Nash could see the guilt written all over the blonde's face and could only imagine how badly Gail was beating herself up inside.

"No…" Traci shook her head, "I'm going to be reminded that his death meant something and that he died for something important."

Gail finally lifted her head as the words registered, her watery gaze settling on Traci for the first time since she'd taken a seat in the booth. Traci wasn't angry with her; she didn't harbor any ill feelings towards her or held Gail responsible for Jerry's death. And despite the exhaustion donning Nash's face there was also genuine concern, concern for her and Gail felt a burst of affection spread through her chest.

"I want to help you, I want to do something for you, what can I do?" Gail asked quickly, knowing she may not be able to put her feelings for Traci into words, but damn it she could show her through actions. She'd do anything her friend asked her to.

Traci lowered her gaze for a moment, feeling her own tears creeping into her eyes. "I need you to come with me tomorrow," she said and lifted her eyes to meet Peck's before continuing, "because I could use a friend."

Gail knew she was referring to Jerry's funeral and memorial services the following day and while she hadn't yet decided if she was going to attend, in that moment she knew for certain she would be there because it's what Traci needed. And though Nash didn't hold her responsible for what happened to Jerry, Gail felt it was her duty to be there for her no matter how much it hurt to do so.

So Peck put on as brave of a face as she could muster and nodded her head.

"Ok, you got it," Gail said, dabbing at her eyes with the end of her sleeve as Traci squeezed her other hand in appreciation.

"Good," Nash said with a small smile. "I went by the apartment, but Dov said you hadn't been home since getting out of the hospital…" she commented, the curiosity evident in her tone.

"I've been staying with a friend from the crime lab," the blonde replied dropping her gaze once again. Was it fair to call Holly a friend?

"Dr. Stewart?" Traci asked, recalling Epstein's description of the woman he'd met when he and Chris had gone to see Gail in the hospital.

Peck's head snapped up at the question. "How do you know Holly?"

"I don't really know her, per say, I just met her the night…" Traci trailed off not wanting to say the actual words and Gail was grateful for it, it didn't get any easier no matter how many times she'd heard it. "She was there when I went to see Jerry."

Gail felt a momentary flash of anger as it suddenly clicked why Holly hadn't gone home before coming back to the hospital the day she was release, but why hadn't the brunette mentioned this to her?

'_Why so I could've fallen apart all over again?'_ she thought and took a long sip from her glass and felt the emotion subside as she realized Holly was probably just trying to protect her.

"Anyways, she's very kind," Traci commented when she saw the apprehension reflected in the blue eye's across from her at the mention of the doc's name.

'_You have no idea,'_ Gail thought and drained the rest of her glass, not wanting to drift into the jumbled mess her mind was when it came to her feelings for Holly.

"Can I get you a drink?" Peck asked looking passed Traci to the bar to see if she could get Liam's attention, but Nash just shook her head.

"Nah I'm good, I should be going anyway," Nash replied gathering her purse from the seat beside her and turning her attention back to her friend. "Are you going to be ok?"

Again Gail scoffed, waving her off. "I'll be fine," she answered and she must not have been convincing enough because Traci's gaze lingered on her a bit longer than normal, almost scrutinizing her answer before she nodded and slid from the booth. She unexpectedly stepped around and wrapped Gail into a tight, wordless hug before turning on her heel and heading for the door.

"Please keep an eye on her," Nash said lowly to Liam on the way past the bar and he nodded.

"Already got it covered," he assured her with a kind smile, having already heard what had happened to Jerry. "I'm really truly sorry for your loss Officer Nash."

Traci offered a small smile and patted his hand, sparing a quick glance back at the blonde in the booth and headed out, still worried about Peck despite making contact with her.

Gail caught the pair's interaction and suddenly wanted to leave. She grabbed her empty glass and made her way to the bar. After throwing down a few bills to cover the tab she walked outside into the gray drizzle the day had turned into, the weather fitting her mood. She stood under the awning for a moment contemplating her next move. The sobering conversation with Traci had killed the buzz she'd been working on and that just wouldn't do now that she had a whole new obstacle waiting for her tomorrow. With a heavy sigh she pushed the thought from her mind, not wanting to think about it at the moment.

Should she go back to Holly's and try to catch up on some sleep?

No she wanted another drink- perhaps several- but needed to go somewhere away from the prying watchful eyes of the familiar bartender inside. Sure she could hit up another bar, but that could get expensive quickly for what she had in mind.

A thought suddenly occurred to her and she stepped out from the shelter of the overhang and into the rain, her course of action chosen. She made a quick stop at the liquor store on the corner before setting her sights on a hotel a few blocks away. It wasn't anything spectacular, but it also wasn't a seedy roach motel she'd be afraid to touch the sheets in either.

After checking in, Gail picked up the plastic bags from the party store and headed to her room, kicking the door closed behind her. She quickly dropped her key card on the desk beside the TV and drew the blinds before unpacking her bounty from the bags, smiling faintly as she set down a bag of cheese puffs and two bottles of tequila. Picking up one of them she quickly unscrewed the top, dropping it somewhere beside the other bottle and took a long pull, wincing slightly at the burn in her throat from the undiluted liquor. Yes this would definitely do.

She shuffled over to the bed and sat back against the head board with the TV remote in one hand and the bottle of booze in the other.

Yep this would do just fine.

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**A/N: **I actually wrote, but didn't post the chapter of Holly and Traci's interaction at the morgue the night of Jerry's death (would've been between chapters 2 & 3) that Traci alludes to in this chapter. It's pretty short, but maybe if there's enough interest I'll post it as an addendum or like a "Chapter 2B" or something...we'll see. Thanks for reading!


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: **Once again you kind folks never cease to amaze me, thank you for your kind words and reviews. They really boost my confidence in this little adventure and keep me motivated so don't be shy to leave a comment. :)

Chapter 10 is turning into an epic mini-series, it's already 4500+ words and I'm only about half way through the first draft so those of you wanting longer chapters, it's coming. lol Chapter 11 is still in outline form, but should move along pretty quick once 10 is finished. Thank you guys for your patience.

Without further delay, here's chapter 9. Happy reading lovelies!

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Outside the rain came down in great heavy sheets, pummeling against the roof and windows as if mother nature herself was trying to break-in. Normally the soft trickle of water running along the shingles would've helped lull the doc to sleep, but that was not the case tonight. If anything the weather made her current situation seem more ominous.

Holly lay in bed tossing and turning. She'd like to blame the restlessness on the storm raging outside her window, but truth be told she couldn't stop thinking about Gail. She hadn't talked to the officer since she left for work that morning, but it certainly hadn't been for lack of trying. She'd tried unsuccessfully to reach the blonde ever since she awoke on the couch in her office to find a lunch bag perched on the corner of her desk accompanied by a slightly messy, hand written note.

"I thought you might be hungry since you have nothing, but gross stuff in your fridge –Officer Awesome"

After the first failed attempt to reach her, Holly figured Peck had been resting and decided to catch up with her when she got home, but when she arrived was surprised to find the house empty. Gail's duffle bag and clothes were still in the guest room, but the blonde was nowhere to be found.

And so Holly's marathon of texting and calling began and with each hour that ticked by without a peep from Gail her anxiety level rose. By the time she crawled into bed she was equally worried and pissed off. Not one call or text had been returned and the last time she'd tried to make contact the blonde's phone had gone straight to voicemail. She tried not to think about what the silence could mean knowing full well the uncertainty and endless possibilities would drive her insane. She forced herself to take a deep breath, to try and relax.

A dull thud sounded downstairs and for a moment the brunette chalked it up to the annoying tree limb that periodically scratched against the bathroom window and mentally made a note to trim it the first chance she had. A moment later the thud was repeated in rapid, uneven succession and Holly sat upright, listening.

Was that the door?

Pushing the covers aside she climbed out of bed and grabbed the hoodie from the back of the door, the thin material of her tank top doing nothing to stop the chill that shot through her in the open air of the darkened bedroom. She padded down the stairs and flicked on the hall light as she stepped towards the front door and peered through the peep hole feeling relief instantly wash over her.

Unlocking the dead bolt and pulling the door open, Holly came face to face with a thoroughly soaking wet Gail, her platinum hair pressed down onto her scalp. The doc quickly opened the screen door and ushered the blonde inside who staggered and wavered unsteadily on her feet. If Gail's impaired motor skills hadn't tipped Holly off to her drunken state the whiff of alcohol on her breath when she stepped past surely would have.

Despite knowing that this was Gail's ill-fated and failed attempt at coping with what she'd been through Holly instantly saw red, her anger flaring at her. The brunette wanted nothing more than to grab the officer and shake some sense into her, to yell and try to get it through her thick head that she wasn't alone and had people to lean on for support. Fortunately though Holly's rational side prevailed; knowing any attempts at having a serious conversation would be futile in Gail's current state and made a firm mental note to address it later.

After taking a deep calming breath Holly crouched down and grabbed a hold of one of Gail's ankles and then the other as she pulled the soggy, water-logged boots from her feet. She stood upright and unzipped Peck's dripping jacket, sliding the leather effortlessly from the blonde's shoulders who giggled when Holly stepped back and pulled her own hoodie off over her head before pushing it into Gail's hand.

"You haven't even bought me dinner yet and you're already stripping…" Peck slurred with a smile, swaying slightly on the rug.

"Take your wet t-shirt off and put that on before you catch pneumonia, I'll get you some dry clothes," Holly said dejectedly before taking the stairs two at a time and headed into her bedroom, yanking her dresser drawer open. She didn't mind taking care of people, she really didn't, but what could you do for someone who didn't want to take care of themselves? She sighed heavily, wishing Gail had chosen a more productive way to deal with her issues.

After pulling on another hoodie she grabbed a pair of pajama pants, socks, and an old t-shirt and headed back downstairs to find a topless Gail hunched over the breakfast bar in a wet bra and drenched jeans, her face resting in her hands. Holly slowed her approach and set the clothes on the counter before gently rubbing her hand over the small of Gail's cold damp back, the blonde jumping slightly at her touch before she stood upright and turned toward the doc.

"Do you have anything to drink?" she slurred turning towards the kitchen. "I could really use a drink…"

"Water is about the only thing you'll be drinking tonight, I think you've had enough alcohol for the both of us," the doc replied folding her arms across her chest, her tone grabbing Gail's attention and causing her to turn towards her again.

"You're angry," Gail said, her tired eyes locking with Holly's and the brunette was surprised by the officer's perceptiveness despite her blood-alcohol level. Holly sighed and looked to the floor for a moment before meeting Peck's blue, slightly glazed stare once again.

"I was worried about you, you haven't answered any of my calls or texts," the doc replied, her tone softening slightly at the downtrodden expression on the blonde's face.

"I figured staying at a hotel would be a good idea," Gail said lowly like a child explaining to their mother why they disobeyed them. Holly didn't bother pointing out the fact that Gail stood in her kitchen soaked to the bone after having walked through a torrential downpour rather than staying dry in the hotel she thought had been such a solid plan. "I saw how tired you were this morning after I woke you up last night…you were practically unconscious in your office this afternoon and I didn't want to burden you this," she said gesturing to her-mess-of-a-self.

Holly's heart twisted with Gail's words.

"You are not a burden to me, Gail. Don't ever think that," the brunette replied firmly and she could see the recognition of her mistake flicker across Peck's face. "I will gladly take a dozen sleepless nights if it helps you through all this."

Surprisingly Gail nodded in agreement as a shiver ran through her.

"Think I could have those now? I'm cutting glass over here," the blonde said pointing to the clothes piled on the counter under Holly's hand and the doc chuckled begrudgingly at her comment, sliding the garments over. The brunette had to fight to keep her gaze from lingering over the expanse of exposed, fit skin that was Peck's pale body and she suddenly needed something to do.

"I'll get you some water," Holly said, turning towards the cupboard near the sink to retrieve a glass as Gail pulled off her wet jeans and slid on the soft plaid pants and hoodie before wandering into the living room, throwing herself on the couch.

_'Ridiculously comfortable, just like I thought,'_ Gail smiled to herself as she thought back to the previous night when she'd entered the room.

In the kitchen Holly fumbled with a pill bottle, silently cursing the childproof cap before she finally got it open and removed a dose of aspirin.

"I'll give you Tylenol instead of Motrin, it should be easier on your stomach and help curb the hangover tomorrow," the doc said as she filled the glass with cold water and headed for the living room.

She chuckled when she saw Gail laying face down on the couch.

"Here," Holly said, wiggling the glass in front of Gail's face, but the blonde didn't move to take it from her. That's when she heard the gentle snoring coming from the officer's slightly parted lips and leaned down for a closer look, realizing she was fast asleep.

With a heavy sigh Holly set the water and aspirin on the coffee table and reached over to the back of the couch to pull the blanket down over the slumbering blonde. She paused for a moment to push a few strands of wet hair back from Gail's forehead and went to the hallway to turn out the light.

Making her way back into the living room; Holly lit the candle on the coffee table not wanting Gail to wake up in complete darkness if she got up during the night. Satisfied with the warm glow emanating through the room she shuffled over to the chair and settled in, hoping for a solid night's sleep for the both of them.

Tomorrow was going to be a long, trying day.


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N:** All right guys sorry for the longer than normal wait for this chapter. This one proved to be a bit more challenging both on the research and actual writing side of things. I hope this comes across like I imagined it in my head. Please let me know what you think.

As usual, thank you to everyone who has left such amazing reviews and words of encouragement. You guys give me the motivation to keep knocking this story out so I can't thank you enough.

Chapter 11 is in the very early stages of a first draft, I'm aiming to have it completed and posted by the end of next week, but we'll see how it goes. I'm thinking this fic only has another chapter or two left so we're in the home stretch folks and then the real fun begins. *insert evil laugh* ;) I've been working on a very long, very in-depth Golly fic for some time (started before this one) that is already 30+ chapters so that's going to be a long one, I hope you guys stick around and are prepared for it. :)

Ok enough of my rambling. Happy reading folks and HAPPY NEW YEAR! Be safe!

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The next morning Gail awoke to the delicious smell of bacon sizzling away in the kitchen. Her head popped up and she immediately regretted it when her skull pounded at the sudden movement. Her mouth was dry and her brain felt as if it were clamped in a vice grip. She knew she had a hangover, but was having trouble putting together the pieces from the previous evening. She rolled over, idly wondering why she was tangled in a blanket on Holly's couch.

'_Am I wearing Holly's clothes too?'_ she thought after pulling back the blanket and looking down at the unfamiliar checkered pajama pants and hoodie.

Dropping her head back onto the cushion, she draped her arm over her face to hide her eyes in the crook of her elbow from the sun filtering in through the blinds. She sighed heavily at the sound of approaching footsteps thudding softly on the hardwood floor.

"Gail," Holly's familiar voice sounded from Peck's left and she felt a gentle hand on her arm. "Dov's going to be here soon to pick you up; why don't you come eat something first?"

Gail's body stiffened as her arm retracted from her eyes at lightning speed when it suddenly clicked and she realized what today was.

_'Shit…the funeral…'_

"Why is Dov coming to get me? I thought you were coming…" Peck asked her voice thick with sleep as she looked to Holly sitting on the coffee table in front of the couch. The fear and anxiety she felt must've shown in her eyes because Holly's hand was back on her forearm an instant later.

"I am, he's just coming to take you home so you can get ready. Then I'll come pick you up before the service and we'll go together, ok?" the brunette asked and was relieved when she felt Gail relax a bit. "Come on, eat some breakfast before you go it'll help with the hangover," she said and rose to her feet heading for the kitchen.

"Ugh," Gail groaned sitting up again, this time more slowly with slightly better results. She kept a snail's pace as she shuffled around the dining room table and took a seat at the breakfast bar. "Please tell me there's coffee…" she said, propping her elbow on the counter and resting her chin in the palm of her hand as Holly set a plate of pancakes and bacon down in front of her followed by a steaming cup of coffee. "Have I ever told you that you're my favorite person?"

The brunette leaned back against the sink cradling her own mug in her hands, a small chuckle sounding in throat. "Is that right?" she asked cocking a brow as Gail wasted no time digging into the stack of hotcakes and stuffing her mouth full. Peck looked up at her and nodded her head vehemently.

"These are so good," Gail said pointing to the plate with her fork, her words slightly muffled around the mouth full of food, but Holly was still able to decipher the comment.

Holly wanted so badly to address the situation from the night before and she probably would have if Jerry's funeral wasn't looming ahead of them in a few short hours. There was only so much Gail could take and she didn't want to overload her knowing the service alone would surely push her to the limit. Today was going to be emotionally draining as it was without Holly piling on and so she filed it away for a better time.

"I didn't get to thank you for lunch yesterday," Holly said simply before taking a sip of coffee and the blonde paused momentarily in her eating.

"It was a total gamble, I had no clue what you'd like so I went with the healthiest things on the menu…basically everything I wouldn't eat," Peck said and stuck another forkful of pancakes in her mouth as Holly chuckled.

"Well I was starving and it hit the spot so thank you for that," the brunette said with a slight salute with her cup and then turned to rinse it in the sink.

"Aren't you eating?" Gail asked, looking for another plate on the counter beside her, but found nothing.

"Yeah I already did, I had a bowl of cereal while I was making those," Holly called over her shoulder while loading the dish washer.

"Wait let me get this straight; you had crunchy gross cardboard cereal pieces floating in milk when you could've had this fluffy goodness drenched in syrup? What's wrong with you?" Peck asked rhetorically scrunching her face and Holly chuckled, throwing the dishtowel at her.

"Not everyone can eat like you do and keep a body like that," Holly nodded towards Gail and turned back to the sink before her cheeks flushed red, her comment slipping out before she could stop it.

They fell into an easy silence while the brunette washed the remaining pans. Peck's gaze was firmly on Holly's back in complete awe of how the doc could make such a simple task seem graceful. Gail had just finished her last bite when a horn honked out at the curb drawing Holly's attention up to the window.

"I think Dov's here," she said, peering out as Gail came around the island to put her plate in the sink before moving to stand on her tip toes to have a look.

"That would be him," Peck answered, her voice now void of the playful tone it held just moments ago, the sobering reality setting in. She shuffled into the hall and pulled on her boots, wincing slightly when her socks became damp from last night's trek through the rain.

"Before I forget," Holly said behind her and when Gail turned the brunette was holding out a plastic shopping bag which she took skeptically and peered inside. "It's your clothes from last night, all clean and dry."

Gail lifted her head and locked gazes with Holly, feeling a flood of things she wanted to say, but when she opened her mouth nothing came out. Instead she stepped forward and wrapped her arms around the brunette's waist pulling her into a crushing hug. It took Holly's brain a moment to catch up before she registered the embrace and brought her hands up to Peck's back, holding her tight. Behind them the horn sounded once again and Holly dropped her arms so Gail could grab her jacket and yank the front door open.

"Keep your panties on Epstein, I'm coming," Peck shouted as she stepped out onto the porch and turned back to face the doc. "I'll see you in a bit?" she asked, her eyes now swimming with the same fear they held this morning and a touch of something else the brunette couldn't quite place.

Holly nodded and gave her a reassuring smile, "absolutely."

Peck stood there for a moment as if she were about to say something else, but then abruptly turned and headed down to the curb, throwing the passenger door open and climbing in beside Dov.

"Hey," Epstein said gently as he backed out of the parking space, sensing Gail wasn't in the mood for small talk. His hunch was quickly confirmed when she muttered a low greeting before leaning her head back against the headrest and closing her eyes. Though he had some questions about her choice of refuge over the past few days he understood her need for silence and turned his attention to the road.

It didn't take long for them to arrive back at Casa Peckstein and after parking, the pair climbed the stairs. Quickly grabbing the mail from the box, Dov pushed the door open and stepped aside so Gail could enter the apartment, the familiar musty scent of dust and stale beer making her instantly miss Holly's place. Chris rose from his seat at the kitchen table at the sound of the door opening and turned to welcome his friend home only to catch a glimpse of her back as she headed down the hall and disappeared behind the closed door of her room.

"Welcome home Gail…" he said lowly in a hurt tone before turning to Dov who was setting Peck's bag beside the door and relocking the deadbolt. "How is she?"

"Quiet…very quiet," Epstein said hanging his coat beside the door. "Normally that wouldn't be a bad thing, but…" he trailed off grimly, taking a seat beside Chris at the table.

The pair ate while Gail showered, all three officers rushing to get ready in time. Each of them had gone to their respective rooms to get dressed and Dov had just finished buttoning his shirt when the doorbell echoed throughout the small space.

"Hey Hol," he said pulling the door open and stepping aside to let her enter. He'd clearly been in mid-battle with his tie when she arrived; one side of his collar was standing straight up while the other was tucked underneath. Dov crossed and looped the tie over itself before frowning deeply at the end result knowing it wasn't right.

"Need a hand?" she asked pushing the door shut and pocketing her keys.

"Please," he sighed dejectedly and she stepped in front of him. Dov lifted his chin to give her more room as she went straight to work undoing everything he'd already struggled to accomplish. In what seemed like seconds Holly was synching a perfect Windsor knot towards his chin and laying his collar flat. Epstein looked at her, mouth agape. "How'd you do that?"

"Lots of practice," she shrugged, giving him a playful pat on the shoulder. "I used to tie my dad's every morning. The man could replace a heart valve with his eyes closed and one hand tied behind his back, but couldn't tie a decent knot to save his life; my mother always threatened to buy him clip-on's instead," she said with a smirk at the memory before her expression turned more serious. "Where's Gail?"

Dov pointed over her shoulder towards the closed door on the right, his expression dropping.

"It hasn't been a good day," he said sadly by way of explanation and the doc nodded.

"I can't imagine it would be…" she trailed off before heading down the hall and knocking gently.

"If you value your balls you'll go away!" came a shout from the other side causing Holly to smirk as she gently pushed the door open and stepped inside.

Gail was standing in front of her open closet door in most of her uniform staring at the last remaining article, the jacket, hanging from the top of the door on a clothes hanger. Though Peck's back was to her, Holly could see she was deep in thought, her fingers absently playing with one of the department's shield embossed buttons on the cuff. Her shoulders were slumped beneath her white dress shirt making Holly hesitate for a moment and contemplate how to proceed.

"Luckily I don't have balls so I'll take my chances," Holly said causing Gail to spin around from the closet, visibly relieved when she saw the brunette. "I would like kids at some point though so watch the ovaries."

They stood quietly for a moment as the tension eased ever so slightly.

Stepping closer, Holly reached out and ran her hands slowly up and down the officer's arms. "How ya doing?" she asked softly.

"Terrible," Peck answered shortly, her gaze dropping to the floor.

"Care to elaborate?"

"Oh I don't know, how the hell would you be if you were about to go to the funeral of the man who saved your life?" Gail snapped back, instantly feeling bad for the knee-jerk reaction. She ran a hand through her hair, sighing heavily before sitting on the edge of the bed and dropping her face into the palm of her hands. "I'm sorry…"

Holly had been expecting the blonde to lash out and truth be told she was surprised it hadn't happened sooner. She understood the stress and guilt Gail was feeling, knew the sharp words weren't a personal attack and didn't take them as such; just misguided anger is all.

She took a seat beside Peck and gently rubbed the small of her back. "It's ok…" she began to say, but Gail's head quickly popped up halting her train of thought.

"No it's not, Hol, you didn't deserve it. You've stuck by me through all of this and you've been so patient with me, why is that?" Gail asked, her eyes searching the doc's chocolate browns.

Holly could see that Peck sincerely didn't understand why she hadn't walked away from her and the thought caused a pang of sadness. Someone must've really done a number on Gail's heart to make her question why people didn't wash their hands of her at the first hint of difficulty; it didn't necessarily have to have been a lover, it could be Gail's mother who she had yet to mention or even her friends. The thought of just giving up on someone boggled her mind.

"You've been through a lot, you deserve to be cut some slack," Holly shrugged and continued rubbing small circles on her back. "Talk to me, what's going on?"

"I don't know if I can go today," Gail said, her voice sounding so small. "I know I told Traci I would, but I don't know if I can handle feeling like a spectacle…getting all the 'that's her' looks, being asked a million times how I'm doing…"

Holly remained silent to give Gail the time and opportunity to process how she was feeling and to continue when she was ready, pushing her would only cause Peck to get more flustered and clam up.

"I've been standing in front of that coat for the last 15 minutes debating what to do…do I suck it up and go? Or do I do what I really want and climb back in bed and stay there until the day is over?" Gail asked, turning her watery gaze toward the doc's. "What do I do, Hol?"

The brunette felt a lump rise in her throat at the lost look in Gail's eyes and wished she had the power to make it go away.

"Hun, you and I both know I can't make that call," Holly said sadly. "What does your heart tell you?"

Gail chuckled sadly.

"Therein lays the problem. What I want to do and what I need to do are polar opposites," the blonde said absently picking at her comforter in quiet contemplation before she stopped and looked at Holly, squaring her shoulders, her decision clearly made. "Let's go, I need to be there for Traci, I need to honor Jerry for what he did for me and for however many other girls would've come after me if he hadn't."

"Ok," Holly replied with a nod, feeling a sense of pride for the woman beside her. "I'll be right there with you, we'll make it through together, ok?" she asked, her hand coming around to rest on Gail's knee, giving it a reassuring squeeze. "Whatever you need."

The blonde turned to look at her, her palm gently settling over the doc's and squeezing back with unspoken gratitude. Holly didn't need to hear the words though; she could see it in the crystal blue eyes that gazed back at her.

Rising from the bed, Holly reached down and gently tugged her to her feet, leading her to the closet. She slipped the jacket from its hanger and helped Peck shrug into it before running her hands over the shoulders to smooth out the fabric.

"Gotta love a woman in uniform," the doc commented with her lop-sided smirk as her eyes ran the length of Gail's body, taking in the sharp threads and trying to keep the blush from rising to her cheeks.

"Yeah too bad the uniform we look the best in is the one none of us want to wear," Gail replied sadly, grabbing her hat and white gloves from the top of her dresser and taking a deep breath. Holly nodded with understanding as they headed back into the living room where Chris and Dov were waiting for them.

"Hi Holly," Diaz said with a small wave and stiff smile as his eyes shifted to Gail, a wave of concern washing over him.

"Chris," the doc nodded with a warm smile. "I guess we'll follow you guys?" she asked, looking to Gail who nodded, wanting to ride with her instead of piling in with the boys.

They filed out of the apartment, Epstein holding the door for the girls and then followed Chris down the front walkway to the cars.

"Damn, I want a truck like that," Diaz said, glancing in the river view mirror at Holly's shiny black Range Rover following behind them before frowning at the older Jeep they were currently riding in. Sure his truck was still in good shape, but seeing the beautiful machine behind them made him lust for something newer.

"You can have one, you just have to become a doctor first," Dov replied smugly, buffing the bill of his hat with his sleeve.

Behind them, Gail and Holly were driving in silence.

Gail stared out the window turning her badge over in the palm of her hand, her thumb stroking absently along the black elastic band stretched across the medal shield. She knew funerals were a part of the job when she signed up, but she didn't think she'd be attending one so soon in her career. Sure they told you what to expect from a departmental service, but it was different when the officer that was being laid to rest died saving your life. They didn't teach you how to deal with that; there hadn't been a chapter in the manual covering the vast emotions that could course through you in a spit second or how to face your friends when you felt responsible for the loss they shared. The few pages on dealing with grief didn't cover any of that.

"You've gone quiet on me," Holly commented softly, glancing over at her passenger who reluctantly tore her gaze from the passing streets outside the window. She could see Peck's brain was running a hundred miles an hour and could feel the tension was back and rolling off her in waves.

"Sorry I'm just kind of stuck in my own head…" Gail replied, dropping her gaze thoughtfully to her badge once again before clipping it to the breast pocket of her jacket. Holly reached over and patted Gail on the forearm, wishing the blonde would open up to her already.

As they neared their destination they started seeing squad cars from other divisions who had come to pay their respects. Up a head at the entrance to the cemetery there was a cruiser with its flashers on, stopping all cars as they made their way to the gates. They watched as a short female officer approached Diaz's truck; the officer exchanged a few words with the boys before waving them through. Holly pulled up next, rolling down her window.

"Good morning ma'am, can I get your name and the division you're with?" the officer asked cheerfully making Gail wonder how much coffee this woman had consumed already. Gail leaned forward and looked at the name tag on her jacket, Officer Price from 27th Division.

"Holly Stewart, Forensics Lab," Holly replied as Price jotted down the information in her notepad before she looked past the brunette to the passenger seat, making eye contact with Gail.

"And you officer? Name and division," Price asked politely with a smile.

"Gail Peck, 15," the blonde replied and noticed Price's smile falter briefly. Gail's stomach clenched and she stiffened in her seat, the sinking suspicion that this woman knew who she was and what had happened to her.

"Thank you ladies, have a good day," the bubbly officer said with toothy smile and stepped back towards her cruiser to wait for the next arrival.

"What was that all about?" Holly asked, catching up to Diaz.

"It's a checkpoint to keep the media out," Peck replied staring out the window. "All outside divisions have to let us know if they'll be attending so that they're on the list. Anyone can line up for the precession on through the streets, but the actual service is private."

Holly nodded and they fell back into silence as they followed the boys through the winding road of the cemetery.

They pulled to a stop beside Chris' Jeep and as Holly shut off the engine she chanced a look at Gail who'd gone quiet beside her once again. She reached across the center counsel, slipping her hand under Peck's gloved palm resting stiffly on her knee and gave it a reassuring squeeze. Gail's gaze slowly turned to face the brunette, her blue eyes already laced with anxiety.

"Ready?" Holly asked, knowing it was a stupid question before she even asked it.

"No," Gail replied, her voice sounding so small it came out in nearly a whisper that Holly would've missed had she not seen Peck's lips move. She took a deep breath when the brunette rubbed the top of her hand with her thumb and mentally tried to psych herself up as she pushed the passenger door open and stepped out of the car.

The two women met at the front bumper, their hands coming back together thoughtlessly as if there was a magnetic pull housed within their palms and walked hand in hand a few paces behind Diaz and Epstein across the thick green grass towards the burial site where a large congregation of mourners and fellow officers had already assembled to await the precession's arrival. Normally such a display would've made Gail uncomfortable and she knew she was going to be asked a hundred questions later, but at the moment she didn't care; she needed Holly's warmth and comfort if she was going to get through this in one piece.

As they walked up to the grave site Gail couldn't help, but feel like all eyes were on her. She kept her gaze cast down to the ground as they approached, already feeling self-conscious. At one time, commanding such attention would've been a boost to her ego, but not anymore and certainly not today. It wasn't like she could just blend in with the rest of the uniforms walking around, the row of stitches across her forehead and other cuts marring her face making that tactic impossible to pull off. With a final squeeze to Holly's hand Gail did what she felt was best and took the empty chair beside Traci to pull the focus from herself and back where it belonged.

Feeling someone touch her hand, Traci looked up and smiled sadly at the blonde, giving her hand a gentle squeeze back before pulling her in for an impromptu hug.

"I'm so glad you're here," Nash whispered in her friend's ear with a sniffle as the blonde gripped her tighter, something Traci was not accustomed to from Peck.

"How are you feeling?" Gail asked, pulling back, but still holding onto Nash's forearms.

"Numb…but ask me again in 5 minutes," Traci replied with a sad smile, her eyes doing nothing to hide the sleepless night she'd had the night before.

Gail nodded her head and rubbed Nash's back, dropping her gaze to the beautifully manicured lawn at her feet starting to feel cagey as more and more officers arrived and began milling about. She felt her chest tighten and though they were outdoors felt as if the walls were slowly closing in around her. If the circumstances had been different she would've excused herself and slowly slipped into the background before ducking out of the service all together, but she knew she couldn't do that to Traci. Peck clamped her eyes shut, trying to head off the panic attack by taking a few deep calming breathes. She knew she could do this, she just had to be tough; there'd be plenty of time to fall apart later.

Gail glanced over her shoulder, breathing a bit easier when her eyes locked with Holly's deep browns and the doc gave her a small smile from the row behind them.

"Are you smiling at me?" Dov asked with a large grin of his own as he and Chris slid into the chairs behind her and Nash, Dov's body momentarily eclipsing Gail's eye line to Holly as he passed. His comment made Gail realize she must've been smiling back at the brunette unbeknownst to her. Diaz leaned down to tenderly rub Traci's shoulders and dropped a quick kiss to the top of her head before he sat beside his roommate.

"You wish," the blonde scoffed with her patented eye roll and turned back around just in time to see Andy rushing towards them.

"Hey guys, Traci I'm so sorry I'm late," Andy apologized giving Nash a big hug before quickly stepping over to Gail and wrapping her in a tight hug. The blonde floundered for a moment, surprised by the sudden embrace.

"Still not how I communicate McNally," Gail said dryly, patting her awkwardly on the back.

"Right, sorry," the brunette said quickly dropping her arms. "How are you?"

'_That's one,'_ Peck thought to herself, wondering how many times she would be asked that very question before losing count.

She was just about to respond when in the distance the sound of bagpipes floated through the air causing a hush to fall over the group of mourners. People quickly took their seats and fell into line formations around them. Peck instantly felt her stomach drop when Traci's eyes welled with tears as the telltale sound of the approaching precession grew louder.

They turned their attention towards the main drive leading to the entrance and quickly rose to their feet when the first of six motorcycle units passed through the front gates followed by a small barrage of freshly washed cruisers with their pursuit lights flashing overhead. It was such an odd sight to see the squad cars crawling along at a snail's pace when normally they were flying by with the sirens wailing. There was something almost eerie about it.

Next in line was the color guard proudly holding the Canadian, Providence of Ontario, and department flags high as they walked in a straight line formation, their steps falling in perfect unison with one another.

Behind the color guard was the department marching back decked out in their dress uniform complete with plaid kilts and white knee-high socks. The sun reflected brightly off the polished brass of their instruments as the bag pipes and snare drum sounded out across the open area.

Next in line was an older officer the group recognized right away as academy instructor John Sullivan or Sully as he was commonly known as. He limped down the pavement holding Jerry's uniform hat firmly in both hands at chest level, his white gloves a stark contrast against the shiny black brim of the cap. His expression was a mask of careful composure and if it hadn't been for the occasional blinking of his eyes you might have thought he was made of stone.

A few steps behind him were two officers they weren't familiar with, both of which were of a higher rank with their metals and commendations displayed across their chests leaving Gail to surmise that they were the Master's of Ceremony. Beside the two white shirts was the department Chaplin dressed in full robe with a bible clutched in his arms.

Behind the trio, a pristine black rolled down the driveway flanked by 6 pallbearers- Oliver, Sam, and Luke on one side and 3 officers from 27th Division on the other- with Frank bringing up the rear.

Solemnly Best stepped up to the back of the herse when it pulled to a stop in front of the group bringing the entire sea of officers to attention the instant the rear hatch of the car was opened, their knifed right hands rising to the bill of their hats in salute. They held the pose as Sam, Luke, and Oliver turned sharply to face the three officers from 27 on either side of the door and gripped the handles as the staff sergeant slowly pulled the casket from the car. Once the back hatch was closed the group marched forward, their bodies moving in perfect sync as they met Sully at the front of the herse and together the group carried their fallen friend to the grave site.

Walking across the grass, the officers gently set the Canadian flag draped casket on a shroud of beautiful flowers and stood at attention while Sully gently placed Jerry's service hat on the center of the red maple leaf. The pallbearers joined their fellow officers in attention before the entire company sharply saluted. With a nod from the Master of Ceremony, the pallbearers turned in unison and marched to their seats beside a large vibrant wreath with Jerry's photo in the center.

"Please be seated," the man at the podium said kindly and the assembled group shuffled about briefly. Once everyone was settled he continued. "Good morning, thank you all for being here today as we honor the life of Detective Jerry Barber. I'm Commander James Beck of 33rd Division. I had the pleasure of being Jerry's field training officer when he came out of the academy, we rode together for almost a year and from the first day I knew he was destined for greatness."

Beside her, Gail could feel Traci's shoulder lean into hers more heavily as the commander spoke. This was always tough, listening to people refer to someone you love in the past tense as they spoke fondly of the deceased. Peck reached over and took Traci's hand in hers; giving it a gentle squeeze to remind Nash she was right there with her. The blonde didn't have to look at her friend to know the tears were already flowing and felt her own eyes sting, forcing Gail to take a deep breath.

"Jerry had an intuition like no other, a sixth sense if you will. While he was incredibly intuitive he never lost sight of what was important and that was connecting with people and truly being present with the citizens and fellow officers he served. He never thought he was better than anyone because he wore a badge and I can whole-heartedly say that he made the badge better for having worn it," the commander said, glancing down to turn the page in front of him before continuing. "It wasn't a great surprise when I heard Jerry had earned his Detective's shield, his work ethic and attention to detail made him a prime candidate for the job and I knew in an instant that whichever division he worked for would be privileged to have him. Luckily for all of us, Jerry was a better detective than poker player."

A collective chuckle erupted throughout the crowd; a brief smile flickering across Oliver and Sam's drawn faces as numerous memories ran through their minds. The most prominent was the night the three of them got together for a game, the alcohol had been flowing freely, and they had quickly won all of Barber's money. Not being one to quit, Jerry had wagered the next precious thing he had on him; his mustache. The bet was like blood in shark infested waters and Shaw and Swarek had shown him no mercy with Oliver winning the pot and forcing the detective to shave his meticulously manicured facial hair.

"Over Jerry's prestigious career he played an intricate roll in solving countless homicides and served on many taskforces. He often worked high profile cases, but never let the success go to his head; he set a very high standard for himself and proved to be a sterling example of what a detective should embody both on and off duty. I have no doubt that this city and the citizens Jerry Barber served are better off for having been under his watch," he continued, turning to address the casket head on.

"Jerry, you were like a son to me…and though you were taken from us much too soon, I know you're looking down on us, keeping a watchful eye on us all. Rest peacefully my friend," Beck concluded, his voice breaking slightly at the end of his speech. Blinking back tears of his own, the commander gathered his papers and stepped down to exchange places with the department Chaplin.

Traci sobbed silently in anguish between Andy and Gail who each held a hand, only letting their grip slip so Nash could dab at the tears streaking down her face. Eventually she gave up, letting the tears drop down onto her jacket, not caring if she looked like a mess. Beside her, Gail was struggling not to break.

It felt as if every word being spoken was cutting her open a little more than she'd already been. Gail felt raw and exposed and desperately wanted to escape. She kept focusing on Traci and being there for her friend, but as time slipped on she found it harder and harder to sit there. Peck knew it was only going to get worse as the Chaplin stepped up to the podium.

"Good morning," the elder man said, adjusting the microphone as he opened his bible to a marked page. "It's never easy to lose a loved one, but if you stop to think for a moment, they're never truly gone. They may no longer be here in the physical form, but they live on in our hearts and in our memories to cherish forever. Judging by the sheer number of all of you gathered here it's obvious that Jerry was loved by many and I can see by the look in your eyes his work will live on through each and every one of you."

"Let us pray..." the Chaplin began and the assembled group bowed their heads.

As soon as Gail's eyes closed she was bombarded with images from the horrific nightmare that brought them here today and suddenly the Chaplin's voice ceased to reach her as he led his prayer. Peck's shoulders jolted slightly at the memory of being knocked into the wall and sliding unsteadily to the floor when Jerry rushed Perrick, her drug hobbled legs unable to support her without assistance let alone allowing her body to help the detective.

The last image she had of Jerry lying unconscious, pale faced, and sweaty on the floor assaulted her mind. Gail felt her chest tighten as if an elephant were sitting on it and she had to fight the urge to gasp for air. She opened her eyes, but kept her head bowed to not draw attention, thankful for the reprieve from the onslaught of images. Unfortunately her psyche didn't receive the same pardon. Pushed too far past the brink of her resolve, the blonde began to crumble. Her shoulders hitched with silent sobs as the dam broke and tears cascaded down her cheeks in waves. Heat rose from her chest into her neck flushing her normally pale skin a soft crimson hew.

Gail was suddenly very angry with her inability to remain carefully composed. In her head, she could practically hear her mother scolding her, demanding she keep it together, to stop being weak and to be a Peck. The thought only served to make the anguish she felt that much more unbearable.

Gritting her teeth, Peck was seconds away from snatching her left hand back from Traci's grasp and making a run for it when she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder.

"It's ok, just breathe," Holly's familiar voice whispered in her ear accompanied by a subtle, reassuring squeeze. Gail hesitantly nodded and closed her eyes as she took a few deep breathes to calm her hammering heartbeat and stop the flight impulse raging inside her. After a few beats she was surprised to find the tightness in her chest easing with each breath. There was another gentle squeeze on her shoulder. "Good, that's it…"

Dov watched the exchanged between the two women with bated breath, waiting for Gail to do what she always did and pull away, but he was surprised when the blonde actually started to relax in front of him. Peck's shoulders rose with a few additional deep breaths, her composure slowly coming back to her as the Chaplin's prayer came to a close followed by a chorus of amen's sounding off around them.

Blinking through her tears, Traci lifted her gaze to look at Gail and was taken aback by the blonde's blue eyes that often seemed cold, almost as if her preverbal wall was physically visible. Instead of finding the safe guard in place, Traci saw nothing, but unbridled emotion mixed with torment. Nash knew this wasn't going to be a walk in the park for Peck, but hadn't imagined it would be this hard on her and Traci felt her heart swell with gratitude for her friend who was so bravely standing beside her despite the pain it was inflicting.

At the podium, the Chaplin scooped up his worn bible and approached the casket, signing the cross above Jerry's service cap before taking a seat beside Commander Beck once again.

A burst of static echoed through the air around them as the radios on their belts came to life.

"Badge 2331…Badge 2331…Detective Jerome Michael Barber…" the female dispatcher began.

There was another short burst of static followed by a beep.

"This is the last call for Detective Jerry Barber of 15th Division, end of watch November 17th, 2014. You may be gone, but you will never be forgotten. We show you in route to your new duty assignment. Rest in peace dear friend, we have the watch from here," the dispatcher finished, her voice wavering slightly over their radios.

Traci's head dropped forward as the End of Watch call concluded and the marching band's trumpeter rose from his seat, lifting his instrument to his lips and started playing the opening notes of Taps. The indescribably distinct song haunted the soul of service members everywhere for it signified the final, mournful farewell to a fallen comrade and hero. Despite her best efforts Nash could no longer stem the flow of tears as the soul searing notes filtered through the air.

Solemnly, Sam and Oliver stepped to the casket to meticulously fold the Canadian flag draped over its surface into a tight, crisp triangle as the song continued behind them.

Holding the flag in the palm of his hand, Oliver turned heel and approached Traci who looked up at him through tear filled eyes as he knelt on one knee, placing the flag on her lap. With a shaky movement, Nash lifted her trembling hand to rest against the flag, her fingers absently running over the stitch work as she completely broke down. Tears streamed down her cheeks and her shoulders shook with uncontrolled wails as if the presentation of the flag had made Jerry's passing real. Leaning forward, Oliver removed his cap, tucking it under his arm before he placed a gloved hand on top of Traci's, blinking back his own tears.

"I'm so sorry Traci," he said lowly, reaching out to pull her into a tight hug. Still sobbing, Nash leaned forward to rest her forehead on his shoulder. "He loved you with everything he had kiddo, don't ever forget that."

Oliver held her close, at a complete loss for further words, wishing there was something he could say or do to help bring peace to the grieving woman in his arms. He looked passed Traci's shoulder to Gail whose eyes were cast down to the ground, silent tears rolling down her cheeks. Instinctively, Ollie reached over and placed his hand over hers, giving it a gentle squeeze and was pleased when she lifted her gaze to meet his. Gail gave him a small, sad smile as he patted her hand once again, a silent understanding that they'd talk later passing between them before he turned his attention back to Traci who had somewhat calmed on his shoulder.

Nash sat back as Andy rubbed her back soothingly. Oliver rose and looked down at Traci and sharply saluted her before turning and falling back in line with Sam and the other pall bearers as last lingering notes from the trumpet faded into silence and Commander Beck returned to the microphone.

"I'd like to invite everyone to join us tonight at the Black Penny for a casual memorial service for Jerry. Come out, grab a pint or two, and share a story about our friend," Beck said, looking out amongst the sea of faces before him. "Thank you all once again for being here today. Now if you would rise and join me in the 3 Gun Salute we'll conclude our service for Detective Jerry Barber."

The group rose to their feet, bringing their hands to their bills in final salute once again as the color guard raised their rifles and fired 3 evenly spaced shots in the air.

With each pull of the trigger two pall bearers removed a rose from the flower shroud around the casket and laid it on top of its wooden surface. They saluted their friend one final time and stepped back in line for the next pair to follow suit.

As the echo from the last shot dwindled the assembled crowd began to disperse solemnly. Gail and Andy rose to their feet, helping to support Traci as she stood on shaking legs and approached the casket with the flag hugged tightly to her chest. She leaned over the coffin's lid and draped her arms over its surface in a hug.

Gail took a hesitant step back from the shroud, the flight impulse returning threefold. Andy moved to compensate for the blonde's sudden absence, a look of understanding showing on McNally's face as Dov and Chris pushed between the row of chairs to lend a hand. Gail tried to return to her friend's side, she really did, but no matter how much she willed herself to step forward her feet continued to carry her away from the heart wrenching scene in front of her.

"I'm sorry," she said lowly, her eyes cast down to the ground with shame, unsure if anyone had actually heard her. Peck quickly turned and walked away full aware that numerous sets of eyes followed her as she weaved through the crowd. Her chest continued to tighten as she walked and for a moment she wondered if her lungs would burst from the pressure.

Once she had successfully navigated her way through the thick of the crowd and back into the parking lot, Gail stopped on the other side of Holly's truck, her back pressing up against passenger door as her eyes clamped shut and tried to breathe. Silent tears slid down her cheeks and she willed the ground to open up and swallow her whole; anything had to be better than the agony she was feeling and she would gladly welcome the vanishing act into oblivion if it were possible.

The sound of footsteps to her left filled her senses and a moment later a familiar pair of soft hands ran up her arms, snaked up around to her shoulders and pulled her into a hug. Gail didn't have to open her eyes to know it was Holly, the sweet scent of her shampoo mixed with a subtle perfume confirming it for her and the blonde immediately wrapped her arms around the doc's trim waist.

To her credit, Holly didn't speak; she just held the blonde and let her cry it out on her shoulder. She knew they were rapidly reaching the point where Holly would have to address Gail's need to talk about what she'd been through. Clearly keeping everything inside was just eating at the officer and the doc knew she'd have to tread lightly if possible.

Slowly, Peck regained her composure and pulled back from the brunette's embrace wiping at the tears on her cheeks.

"Sorry," Gail said, her face still slightly flushed. "I couldn't stand there anymore…I tried, but…"

"No need to apologize, Gail. I know you did," Holly said, rubbing Peck's upper arms, "so does Traci. You did great up there."

Gail scoffed and shook her head.

"Come on, let's grab some lunch and get cleaned up before we head to the Penny," the brunette said, pulling open the passenger door and stepping back.

"Can I come back to your place? I don't want to be alone around the boys…Chris has that look on his face like he wants to play psychologist and I just don't have it in me right now to humor him…" Gail trailed off, her eyes needlessly pleading with her.

Holly nodded and shot her a small smile. "Sure," she said and felt her heart skip a beat when Peck smiled and nodded before slipping into the passenger seat.


End file.
